Black Out

Thanks for your replies, it is also good to see some new blood around! Guys, together we can make it right!

So here it goes, second part of the story: After I had writen this last post "up an down" in my journal on Sunday night I still could not sleep.4:30am. I went in my bed and watched my cat sleeping. It's like a meditation for me!(some do that with their lover!) "Be patient Sof", only 2 hours to hours to go till sunrise then I can go for coffee or something, not so bad...

Close to 5 I started having some stomach pain. Nothing new, I often get those from the laxative. Over time, with my history of laxative abuse I got to actually enjoy the discomfort! BUT, this time the pain was SHARP. I made it to the washroom (sorry about the details!) Within seconds my body went numb, I was dizzy and had this overwhelming urge to throw up.(Hello down there??My stomach has been emptied for 2 days!) I had to hold on to the bathroom sink so I would not collapse and risk to hurt my head on the marble floor.

Once,in a similar situation, after blacking out I woke curled up around the toilet, hugging the waste basket! (Note: you are welcome to laugh here!)

Anyway I should have laid down right there on the ground and waited for the storm to pass but determined as I am, I HAD to make it back to bed where I'd be safe, no more then 4 meters away. Too bad, i never got there. My mind suddenly drifted away while my body crashed on the closet's doors then on the wooden floor.

SILENCE...

I dont know for how long I was gone but I do remember for a second feeling as if I had just landed on a bed of lovely feathers! When I came back to my senses I could still hear the echo(in my mind) of the rucus I had just made. I could not move a finger for a while as if my body was made of steel. I could feel cold sweat dripping down my back, all over my face. I thought: Dont worry Babe, the worst that could happen is that I die...and is that such a bad idea??? Still I wanted somebody to hold my hand.

Well, I started to panic and to cry like I havent done for a long time. Was I sobbing out of fear, release or because of the actual state of the cupboard doors??? A mix I guess...

I then called my Mom and bless her, she was so calm and supportive.

Yes, it has been a traumatic experience but already, a day later, I can see the funny side of it. It is amazing how some pain can be so quickly forgotten while others leave you bruised for life. The worst is that if my "Magic Tea" had not been confiscated by my friend, I'd surely have another helping tonight.

Any leason learned? Well that storry alone comfirms that I am doing the right thing to start treatment next monday!

Bless u all, its been a busy day, sleep is calling. Sof*



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