drama queen!

Every day has a different story.

Last night I didnt sleep for a second. Nothing new,I usualy try not to take it seriously since I do not have to go to work in the morning. (thanks God for benefits) But yesterday was a challenging night. The negative voice in my mind was in need of lots of attention. It was overpowering.

I'm aware that my last post was a positive one and I truly want to "walk my talk" but right now it is far too cloudy around my head.

As light as I felt in the park yesterday the weight of my worries is now pushing me into the ground.

Yesterday my friend and I decided we would make some hummus and enjoy it with veggies and a glass of red on that sunny friday afternoon. All night long I've been beating myself up for having made that plan. I try to convice myself otherwise but it feels like I cannot afford a single bite of food, whatsoever for the rest of my life.

The fear is paralysing.

Shame on me for obsessing about such trivial matters...

It took me a few hours to gather the energy to get dressed and get out of the house.(but i made it once again) As low as I may be today it is better to be sitting on the patio of Starbuck then to be home, alone feeding my misery.

Looking at the people around I find it striking to see how they seem to have it all together! How does that make me feel? Well I cannot hate them for being happy, there's already enough hatred in the world. Jealousy is out of the question, I'm NOT going there. So I'd opt for something between painful separation and longing, longing for Peace,Balance and pure Joy.

Now I'm pulling myself together and going to get those ingredients I need for our snack.

I'm not giving up, I've got hope for tomorrow. Thankyou for listening.

Bless you all. Sof*

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