any fasting buddies?

Hi, forum,
I am new to this forum but have been posting on Water Fasting and other fasting suppoort forums for a while.
I am resisting writing this post because I feel I have so much to say and I know it is really healing to say it all and I feel negative and angry and put-upon and tired and I just don't want to trouble.

I have been through a very negative period this summer with loneliness and lack of resources being in Europe where I don't really speak the language and where I have been living without real internet access thus access to this forum and other fasting forums.

Now this access problem is somewhat solved. But I went really far down a few weeks ago when I had a bad tooth that turned out to need a root canal. I was unable to eat without excruciating pain afterward, literally I would lie in bed and writhe and cry out for sometimes as much as 17 hours straight, after eating; the eating would somehow make the infection act up or something. it was Biblical. I have no support groups here and was all alone in this and lacked the strength to go on the long fast that would have healed my poor tooth. This whole episode was so humiliating (I was utterly at the mercy of my food addiction, and even the horrific pain could not motivate me to leave the food alone and fast, and I was too much in pain to go out to my internet access to post to this forum to support myself).

So, all that happened.

Then I got treatment for my tooth (actually the toothaches DID have the effect of rather completely cleaning up my diet, and I am back to what is right for me, all raw, vegan, and soon only living raw food... interesting that the less-tempting/overeating-triggering foods also minimized tooth pain)
I couldn't fast during the whole tooth episode (could not develop my fasting as I had been -- I had achieved like 49 hours and was going for 54 hours when the toothache interfered) because the toothaches would ENFORCE these little "fasts" of like 12 to 17 hours and I felt angry at not being able to get high on food as I am accustomed to doing. food = major "coping" mechanism for me. It is destroying me to live like this and so I share my pain on this forum and other fasting forums. ... i felt angry and I felt gypped and I felt like dammit, now that I have endured 14 hours of agony I am going to damned well eat. So this set me back in my developing my ability at longer fasts.
My goal is to develop the ability to fast 48 hours weekly, 3 days monthly, and 7 to 10 days quarter-annually (i.e., every three months), a la Paul Bragg.
My main obstacles to this are that I am extremely senstive to boredom and to feeling lonely on a daily basis and though I know I would be fine if i could just get through the first 2 or 3 days I can never seem to do this ... i know I need support.... I have succeeded in the past with support... The key for me was having someone just to spend time with, and another key, equally, was having someone to confess the full story of what I was experiencing to. This would get me through the pain of separating from my drug of choice, food, the first 3 days of pain

Then, after the tooth was resolved, I started trying to fast again. But I was not willing to go back to square one and just work slowly up to 48 hours again. i wanted to do it the 54 hour fast immediately. So to "motivate" myself I started "starting" fasts with a huge meal, 3/4 of my food for a given day, taken early in the a.m. so I would fast through the rest of the day at least. The amount of food I had left for the day (I adhere to a calorie limit daily, which works for me) would be so small, not like a binge at all, I reasoned, that I would be more motivated to continue the fast at the end of the dayt than to eat and breakit since the eating would only be of such a small amount.


Anyway, this landed me in trouble. I was constantly "starting fasts" and I was starting them earlier and earlier in the day. I was starting them at 12 midnight. It was bad. 12 midnight is not breakfast time. So...


I sat down with myself about 3 days ago and really committed to several things and committed to reporting them on this forum.

My first commitment was to hold fasting -- learning to take the long, healing fasts my body needs -- as my first priority and really my only concern in life, the only item on my agenda. Fasting is all-important to me, I have decided, and utterly central. i am committed and I have made a schedule and chosen my classes for fall etc. in such a way as to reflect this.
(Unfortunately I don't have a weekly-life schedule for RIGHT NOW... I don't want this... but I am committed to making a proper schedule and getting on it within the next 4 days. I am going back to America in 15 days. I so wish I could make a triumphant 10 day fast during the period of my return to the States... like fast the last 5 days in Europe and the first 5 days in America... as I write I realize that fasting is so normal and natural and ok, not the horror my negative mind makes it out to be... I am in touch with the calm and okayness of fasting, of its normalness and tolerability. )

My second commitment was to everything that supports fasting. What do I need, to learn to fast? I realy believe that if I post my progress on these forums i will really learn. So I am committed to daily and complete posting.

What else? I am committed to being "sober " with food. I really feelit is almost impossible to fast otherwise. This means living by definite rules governign the CONTENT, QUANTITY; MANNER AND TIMING of my eating: I think this internet access I am in is about to close so I have to pick up this post from another place in just a minute.


i think: what is the point of being sober? I am trying to realize and remnd myself of the fact of how many good connections with people I hav elost through my food-drunkenness. I was in LA a couple of years ago and would have had success in movies even if I had been able to be sober. But I could not. i was alone. Now I am not so alone. I am committed to continuing to connect with people who will support me to FAST. I am committed to achievíng and maintaining this state of SOBRIETY AND CONNECTION.

I am writing more in a minute and committed to reporting on my specific behavior for the past few days. I am on track right now and count 3 days of food sobriety and fasting but I need to post to affirm this,
Lauray


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