Re: Domestic Violence

Some do and some don't - that's the way of any choice that's offered to human beings. It boils down to choices, once the abuse has been defined and acknowledged: either we get out, or we don't, plain and simple.

The reason that most women go back to their batterers is because they just refuse to "RISK" anything. It is a risk for them to make a change, and they are either unable or unwilling to risk anything, even if it costs them their lives. Regardless of how stupid it is for ANYone (male OR female) to go back to their abuser, many will invariably do it and have half a dozen excuses why they had no other options. Their fear of risk is as ingrained as their fear of their abuser and it takes courage to get out and STAY out.

Before she accepted the fact that her "beloved son-in-law" was an abuser and that I had been one of his victims, my own mother used to say, "The demon that you know is much better than the one you don't know." I fiercely disagreed with her in the belief that I would NEVER know if my Life couldn't be better if I didn't try to make it so, regardless of what I might lose. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that I would rather die in a cardboard box, beholden to NO man or woman, than to be a "kept" wife and tolerate another minute of abuse. For many years, she opted to remain in denial and refused to accept the fact that my spouse was an abuser.

Now, the fact that my mother was not supportive is not unusual, particularly when the majority of the abuse is emotional, financial, spiritual, or sexual. Physical abuse leaves obvious evidence, whereas attempting to explain to your parent that, as an adult, you have been repeatedly raped by your spouse is almost insurmountable for most women. It's even worse for men who are abused by their wives or female significant other because of the ridicule that they have to endure, "You let your woman do WHAT to you?" For gay couples, there is no relief - their network of safety is often interwoven and, even in our "enlightened" society, they are still looked down upon as unworthy of crisis intervention where domestic violence and abuse is concerned.

To her credit, before she passed, my mother came to accept that she, too, had been made a victim of my former abuser and apologized for not supporting me when I left him. Tweet