What to do???

I really don't know where else to post this. I have done a lot of posting over the years in the Liver Flush Forum but someone directed me here. Somebody told me Andreas Moritz would have my answers but honestly, I hate to sound pesimistic but I don't think things can be fixed. This is gonna be a little much but I'll try to give the short story.

I just turned 27 years old and I feel like my life is passing me by. My life is not the way it should be at all and its wasting away. Here's why.

After a childhood with a lot of stress, anger, and all that jazz, growing up on junk food and being fat, smoking as a teenager, doing steroids and loads of ehedrine at 18 to get in shape, taking Dinitrophenol to lose weight when I was 19, starting a no fat diet which was the fad at the time, so tons of carbs - I lost weight got into shape, yay right? Well after I turned 20, I started feeling like absolute shit. I was angry, depressed, tired, anxious, had bad skin, gained some weight back and couldnt lose it.... I eventually started to party to make myself feel better. I drank havily for a year, smoked a lot of pot, did cocaine, and then when I was 21, I started having panick attacks. I didnt know thats what they were. I went to emergency and the docs told me it was from using cocaine and I might be crazy now from it. I eventually went for iridology and she told me my adrenal glands were exhausted, my liver was toxic, my colon was toxic and full of matter, etc etc. She said the panick attacks would go away if I let my adrenal glands heal. I couldnt stand it any more so I started taking paxil. It made the attacks stop but made me feel like shit in other ways. After several months I thought I could stop taking it because I didn't need it. So I stopped cold turkey. After a few days, I woke up one morning and was gonna go to work when I felt weird. Anxious, dizzy, just not right. I called in sick and then decided to look online for paxil info. I came across thousands of search results and forums all didicated to paxil withdrawl. I was shocked and amazed. I read and read and read for hours, I went into panick mode when I learned this. I learned that there was a class action law suit against GSK who made paxil and that the withdrawl for some was nothing, but for others was comparable to heroine withdrawl. Well I was one of those lucky people. To make it short, After I decided to come off it, I got into a major car accident, almost died and had post traumatic stress. Then during the following year, I endured the horrible withdrawl from the paxil. The doctors tried to give me tranquilizers and more anti depressants, after having a mild seisure I decided I would never trust a docotr again. I went to a health food store where I waled in and basically started balling and begging them for help. Well they were very knowledgeable and had a rife machine, and biomeridian machine and took me in and cared for me. After this year was up, He said I was over the Paxil withdrawl but I was still a total mess. I started cleansing, I wanted to heal the damage of a horribly unhealthy life. I was borderline diabetic, liver was messed, had horrible candida, loaded with toxins. I started doing Colon Cleanses ... but I wasnt feeling better at all so against peoples advice I went and on my own accord, I did kidney, and organ, and heavy metal, and candida cleanses at super high doses all at the same time. I was sicker than a dog. I thought I was dying but I knew it was from the cleanses and was willing to endure in order to get better. I did a year lond candida clease at such a high intensity that i had the toxic waste from the clease comming through my skin and I felt sick as hell for a year. But I endured it and thought the harder I cleasne the quicker I will get healed. I know now that was stupid but at the time I was not thinking straight. After that year long clease I did some reading and thought that I was still not getting any better so it must be my liver. I did have a toxic damaged liver, so in my haste, I took several different things at once in super high doses and thought I could purge the hell out of my liver and clean it, hence fixing all the associated problems. I was disgustingly sick for about a year after that. I had a lot of confussion, anger, insomnia, panick, too while doing it, I know the liver controls a lot of emotions. After that I was still sick. I thought, why do I still feel sick like when I was cleansing the liver even though Im not cleansing itanymore. it wouldnt stop. Someone told me I cleansed so hard, and was so toxic that my loiver was now cleansing on its own and wouldnt stop iuntil it was ready. Great! SO I started going to college while I was like that and let me tell You it was no pickinick. After about a year, I started feeling a little better but still not as good as I wanted, still tired, bloated, acne, I wanted to get even better. So I read up on liver flushing. I started doing it while getting colonics, wow, I tell you, I was so sick... worse than ever. My skin was so bad, acne, majoy water retention and bloating, super fatigue, emotional problems... I took loads and loads of epsome salts and colonics and colon cleases, did a few kidney cleanses... notjhing could make it stop. I was in missery. I felt so toxic and sick. Now I am 27 years old. It seems like the last 7 years have flown by. every year I tell myself It will get better, you will be healthy just wait, just be patient. well Im almost 30!! I have put my social life on hold casue I dont have the energy to do it, i barely fiunction at school. I have no self confidence becasue im always bloated, and zitty. It has been about a year and a half since my last liver flush. I have taken epsome salts and done a kidney cleanse but thats it. Everyone says I cleasned the hell out of my body and did damage so no more cleansing. It makes sense, I probably made myself worse. I am hoping it will just get better over time, I thought my body needs to just take a break and slowly balance back out. Well to be honest... I feel a little btter but still not good at all. I want my life back and I dont know waht to do. I cant take it anymore. I am bloated all the time, about 30 lbs of water retention, my skin has small breakouts often, im always tired, slugish, insomnia, fatigued, confused, poor concentration, poor digestion, and lower back pain and weakness. Seriously, I look sick, I am misserable and I thought all the cleansing would fix it. now that my 20's have been wasted and flown by I am still not right and I have nothing left. I feel so desperate. I am not expecting a response, I have heard it all from everyone, I have tried everything... Lately I am doing nothing, just trying to go to school everyday and function hoping time will heal... I cannot take this much longer. I just needed to vent this out. Nothing works. People say stop cleansing and let the body rest, I did, people say keep cleansing, endure it, I just cant do it. I dont know. Maybe I permanently messed myself up and I will always be this way. If thats the case then I dont want to live anymore. There really is no point. Im not suicidal or really depressed, just so damn exhausted and fed up. I give up.



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