Negotiating Skills for Women

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Mistakes Women Make
In a negotiation, women tend to be more indirect than men when
asking things. For example, a man would typically say, "I want more
money," whereas women might say, "I really have a lot of expenses
because I recently bought a new house." The implication is that more
money is needed, but that's not what she's saying. Many women will
merely infer what they want, but not come out and ask for it. Women
are also more likely to take "no" for an answer. They hear no and
stop, whereas men might try to offer a different counteroffer.

Many women also set lower goals and are satisfied with less, but
it's not clear why. Experts often say that one theory is that women
compare themselves to other women and they don't include men when
comparing salaries, benefits, or promotions. For some reason, women
tend to think lower pay is fair.

Most of the mistakes women make in negotiation happen before they
even enter the conversation. Before even starting a negotiation,
it's important to establish in your own mind what alternatives and
trade-offs you might be willing to consider. When you feel empowered
by alternatives and multiple options, you are able to eliminate the
fear that often seeps into the negotiation process. Some of those
viable alternatives might include:

Trying to generate another job offer.
Lining up another interview.
Taking an "I'm the buyer" approach to the negotiation.
Be aware of sounding and acting too eager from the very first
contact, letters, résumé and phone calls all the way through the
interviews and negotiations. Think of the type of setting you're
most comfortable in and try to have important conversations there.
What environment is it easier for you to stand firm or say no in?

It's also essential to prepare specific things to say depending on
the style of your negotiator. You should have a plan of attack for
both. A hard-style negotiator is firm, with forbidding body
language, and tends to say no to everything. This type of person can
be very intimidating. A soft-style negotiator is very agreeable and
tries to work with you.

But don't be fooled by this pleasant personality. It's a common
mistake with women who have soft-style negotiators to be very
agreeable in return, trying to be polite, make them like you. You
can easily end up walking away with less. The bottom line is you
still have to ask for what you want without feeling guilty
regardless of whom you're dealing with.

Many of the mistakes women make when it comes to negotiating have
little to do with their negotiating skills, but with their
negotiation attitudes. Review the following list of mistakes women
make and compare them with your own feelings and attitudes toward
negotiation. You cannot correct your own mistakes unless you can
recognize them.

Women tend not to recognize opportunities to negotiate. Do not make
the mistake of considering all salary and benefit offers as firm. It
is not a take-it-or-leave-it situation. Most employers expect you to
come back with a counteroffer.
Women are good at building relationships. When women value a
relationship, they tend to protect it. Women make the mistake of
failing to negotiate out of fear of hurting the relationship they
have built with their interviewer and potential employer. Do not
make the mistake of thinking negotiation will anger your
interviewer.
Society has taught women to shy away from bold behavior. Women are
more likely to sit back and wait for credit for their work, than to
ask for compensation. Women have internalized the idea that asking
for more than what someone wants to give is rude. Realize that it is
okay to ask for what you deserve.
Women fail to do their homework. An important part of salary and
negotiation is researching comparable salaries in similar positions.
Many women do not know their own worth. Make sure you value your own
experiences and education.
Women focus less on what they are giving the employer than on what
the employer is giving them. They already see the employer as
providing so much that they are willing to settle for smaller
salaries. Focus on what you are offering an employer, not how the
position will advance your career.
Women start off in the hole. Women do not negotiate a higher salary
to begin with, so raises and bonuses computed by percentage are
smaller as well. The problem feeds off itself and the wage gap
between men and women continues to grow larger. Don't make the
mistake of thinking a low salary will eventually "catch up" to what
you deserve.
Women take negotiations personally. Remember it is about business,
so detach your emotions from the conversation.
More than likely, you make at least a few of these mistakes. Chances
are, interviewers will have more experience and skill at salary
negotiation than you. It is important to prepare a strategy.

Negotiating is not a simple process. It takes a lot of research,
effort, great debating skills, and practice, but the payoff is worth
the work. Never accept a job offer without discussing the salary and
benefits. Go in prepared.
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