Here is the thing Everybody

Okay. How to keep this simple yet still get across what I have to say? This whole mess has forced me to look deep into myself. What I saw disturbed me deeply.

Earlier, Trapper seemed to understand very well what I couldn't say very well:

"Even with emoticons and such, even with an english prof at the helm, written words cannot convey the full spectrum of human communication. the man is hurting."

What began as a friendly exchange of jabs (or so I thought) was actually taken quite personally and seriously, and I HAVE to take my part in the responsibility of that fact. Words were used as weapons. I am overwhelmed by what has taken place here. I hurt because I realize I hurt someone else. Does that make sense?

The sad irony is this:

1) While I was typing my story ... #71405 (David A. PhD) was simultaneously typing his blatant chastisement.

2) While I was typing my story ... I included a few more flippant jabs his way. In fact, there were several instances where I did not pull my punch. The whole time feeling sassy and grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

Am I supposed to be proud of that? Feel good about that?

While I truly appreciate all of these encouraging and supportive responses, I also feel an enormous weight of sadness.

An unknown man pegged me, and pegged me well. Knocked me out, actually. TKO.

Yes, I have been through horrendous obstacles and pain. Yes, I had a story to tell.
But, that DOES NOT/DID NOT give me license to be an arrogant jackass about it.

You may not understand, and you may disagree ... but I know, and that is the bottom line for me.

Several have said I don't need to change a thing in my elegant expose, and at first I balked at those remarks. My immediate reaction was to get rid of the evidence ... ashamed because I knew (and David knows) where the targeted punches lay camouflaged for him to trip over. Now I see there is profound wisdom in your combined words of "leave them safe ... don't edit a word."

Yes, let those words stand as a crucial reminder of a hard lesson learned. Return as often as needed to read those words (that someone felt "deserved" a BSA - ha!) ... yes, I will return to remind myself that there are real faces, real fears, real feelings, and real lives behind all of these obscure, internet names.

In conclusion, I will end with the remainder of Trapper's above excerpted post:

"only he can make the changes to turn that around. perhaps if he humbled himself and had a little talk with the lord?????"

Perfect.

Well, almost perfect.

Replace the "he" with "she" ... then it's absolutely perfect.

I have so much to repent of.