Re: Bad, bad, bad

"Women are not believed, are the victims of character assassination, betrayals, lies, manipulations. The shredded dirty fragments of a narcissistic self are thrown on us and at times we mirror their behavior. We are horrified that we are like them. Or we cower. Or we shake. We sleep, we eat, we medicate. Pick your escape."--you wrote.

This post is so accurate that I have to get off the boards today. Too much. I never knew this board was here. I'm glad.

But it is also overwhelming. To think that "to pick my escape" means death. For me. Been there, done that. Divorced him once. Can you imagine a SCRIPTURE being used to aid and abet my return? It was.

"A woman is not to divorce her husband, but if and she does, she is either to remain unmarried or to return to the husband she left." Word for word.

As a commmitted Christian, I got stuck here. I was FURIOUS at the thought of being with him again. SICKENED. It almost destroyed my faith but I was on my deathbed so who cares? Right??

Well, here we are. Way down that road now. He does not hit but I know it turns him on to think that we are afraid of him. He would say it is all the other way around. That I am the abuser. He could even build a case, of sorts. When in the deepest pain even imaginable, I did become a wild animal. Only a wild animal would get compassion.

Everything in that first paragraph has happened. My children were so starved for their father that when he knelt down one day in the driveway and threw wide his arms, they ran into them. Eagerly, like dying men in a parched desert.

Then he spent 3 1/2 years with them (I couldn't take care of them!) and he systematically turned them against me. I only heard the term Parental Alienation Syndrome when it was too late. Oh, goody....there is a name FOR THAT, TOO.

I've seen it all. I know that some day my beloved children will connect the few dots that are the truth. Not "his" truth vs "my" truth but the truth.

It's all I have.