I'm lost about the last few posts...

So simple minded, some things just go over my head:)

Anyhow, my thoughts are that sometimes people may project feelings onto another. ie if the daughter in law does not have a good relationship with her mom, then she'll treat the mom in law as she would her mom. She may feel glad to have gotten her own life and not be open to welcoming another "mom" into her carefully guarded life.

Or she may feel like she's betraying her mom if she allows herself to care for you.
Other times, no matter how much you do, some people will not like you. That's a fact, you can cook, clean, care, advise, give, hug, allow etc etc and they will never even like you.

However: your son has married this young girl, and if you wish to be a part of your son's family's future - including your grandchildren, you may want to ask both of them honestly if there is anything that you can do to forge a better bond.

Explain to your daughter in law that you feel at a loss, and would really like to simply start over, if only as friends. Maybe ask if you two can share a lunch or maybe if it is ok that you cook a dinner for all while you are visiting.

Ask if it is ok for you to stay at their place for a few days on your visits, it is soo nice of you to visit and I'm sure quite expensive - Do you announce the dates and ask if they are convenient, and give enough notice?

When visiting, also try to spend a bit of time away from the apartment each day. It is overwhelming to have anyone in your space all day long - especially for 8 or 9 days. Eat out some of the time, go shopping or sightseeing.

Asking for her help in building a better relationship will make her understand that you care to get to know her - you must really listen to her suggestions and let her know you wish to be part of their lives, and will respect their boundaries.

As for offering food, as your young son's family gets a bit older they will learn about hospitality - by having friends over and once they have children, it will become a necessity.

When they visit you, try to spend a bit of time with your daughter in law - maybe take her shopping for a small trinket, maybe candles or a photoframe, something that will remind them of you once they get home.

Overall, respect their wishes, as they are a family now in their own right.

Complaining never wins anyone over.

Like water, we must restructure [our views] if we wish to stay linked.

MadArt (ist)

As always, more than two cents from this end of the peanut gallery :)