Upsetting though it is, it's far less hassle to adapt to the reality rather than let it take over your life.
You've discovered about digit ratio. Yes, that's an indication of genetic predisposition to male-type sensitivity to testosterone and you've obviously got a testosterone dominated hormonal balance, hence the beard growth and the long-term ineffectiveness of electrolysis.
Shaving's the most sensible answer -- but I don't think it's a good idea to shut your husband out of it all. Personally, I think shaving the lot is the sensible way of doing things -- it's eventually going to come in coarse over the whole moustache and beard area anyway.