some advice please!

My boyfriend of three years and I have just broken up. The breakup is based on ongoing problems that we have had with his avoidance of growing up(he is 30). He has a really hard time not hanging out with old and new friends that smoke marijuana, he stays out very late, he hasnt been able to focus on his career and leaves jobs often. He himself has had an addiciton to marijuana, although his does fall back into it, he stopped when we were together.He is also a caring and attentive boyfriend who loves me deeply. Beyond the negative we are very connected and we love each other, we have fun together, but when his addiction or addictive behaviour comes up...he retreats far away from me and starts making the negative choices that lead him right back there. We decided to break so he could be by himself and face life on his own, he has not be self sufficient because of always having woman take care of him. He also suffered tremndous abuse in his chilhood, because of his ADD he was bullied daily and beat to unconsciousness at times. I on the other hand can be too giving and needy coming from a family of alchoholics and mental illness(of which I have neither, except for some anxiety with PTSD from the abuse) and am trying to use this time to focus on myself and work to heal my shattered past.

The problem is that I feel very connected to him and I am having a hard time letting go. Part of me feels that we should be together, perhaps not right away though...and that we are meant to work through these issues together, but he has not been able to really let me in...and since I am always trying to help him I felt that this time I am going to botton up and see if he has the courage to face this and us. I feel strongly that he need to be the one to come back to me and us..if it is what is important to him. I feel that we are giving each other a great gift by letting each other go to do our own work...

I need some advice on how to really let go, let him work himself out and hopefully come back when he can be a stronger and more connected and compassionate man....



thank you !!