Re: Too scared to let people in...advice?

Hi Autumn,

I would like to think that I am a thoughtful person to go out with, most of the ex-girlfriends who I am still friendly with seem to feel that I am. I actually think I'm too thoughtful in an unintentionally false way. I will pay the person a lot of attention both emotionally, physically and financially...just attentive. I feel this desperate need inside me to be liked that person to ensure they don't tire of me if you like.

Obviously this can put a lot of pressure on the relationship at an early stage. From my side I always get this feeling that I MUST be CERTAIN that this person is the ONE and that I love them without question. Being attentive seems to reinforce this feeling inside me. Anything that challenges this romantic vision causes the whole facade to crumble and the doubts come rolling in with anxiety and Depression in tow. I will know that I am being unrealistic and placing too much on the relationship and that person, but I just can't stop.

On the other side, the girl will either be totally flattered by my attention and believe, not unreasonably, that I love them (in a few cases I have but the demons tear me, then us, apart). Or, as has happen on a couple of occasions the girl will realise she is on to a good thing an d milk me for everything I am willing to give.

To be honest I have made a couple of really bad girlfriend choices in the past. People just not suitable for me, worse still I have chased after these people when the relationshiop has ended or mourned the ending for stupidly long periods. All of which has affect my self esteem.

To answer your question, I go from the dating phase to the are we going to be something more serious virtually on the first date. I will feel as if I have made some committment that I must uphold and that the other person whole future happiness in life is my responsibility. Crazy I know, but true!!

I need to relax and take things more paced!


Thanks for listening.