Nervous energy

Hello all,
I have suffered from depression, anxiety, sadness and despair for quite a long time, to some slight degree all my life, very acutely for 10 years. I have a handicapped son who has cerebral palsy (not very severe); doctors say if he keeps up his intense PT he'll be walking in a few years functionally, for which I am so grateful. What pushes my buttons is his epilepsy. I have searched and searched for a bodily trigger to his seizures as they happen cyclically, but with no luck. I know the lesion in his brain predisposes him to these, but I can't figure out what the trigger is. Here's the problem: I need to let go of the need to control this situation. I become extremely anxious and frightened whenever he has one because I feel as if somehow my failure to find the answer is perpetuating this situation. I need to let go and let God. I have been meditating recently which has helped a lot, yet I realize I have a long way to go. I feel my nervous energy can be felt by my son in a very real way. I believe with God all things are possible; however, what is keeping me from letting go of this problem and letting God handle it in His own sweet time? And how may Shamanism help me? I don't know much about it, but I have an acquaintance who did some work with a Shaman and it helped her. Anything anyone can glean from this message would be appreciated. I admit that I am scared, and I think fear is lack of trust in God. Could this epilepsy be God's way of teaching me patience and that I'm really not in control of anything? I will continue my meditation and praying. Anything any of you could say to help me I'd appreciate. I need insight.
Thank you.
Lori M. Tweet