Re: I am having issue with my mom and don't know what to do.

Hi! Wow, that's a heartache, no question...

I guess the visit's already happened by now, and I wonder how you are doing with it.

Maybe you're 17 and she is paying your way through college, or you're 30 and a new mother of triplets and you desperately need her help, or she is letting you live in her second home free of rent but at the same time she gets to visit whenever she wants for as long as she wants. Your level of independence can make it easier to explore certain options for yourself.

My observation is that virtually NO parent is able to hear a child express their feelings around family abuse, and virtually no parent learns to become a helpful source of support. (I can't think of any survivors in my acquaintance who are able to have an intelligent conversation with their parents about this.) The worst case scenario is that she never will hear you at all. In that case, while we're waiting for her to deal with it and give you what you needed and deserved to hear from her, what options are left?

Maybe it's taking a 10 year vacation from seeing her.
Maybe it's saying "I'm happy to see you if we can take that time to go for therapy."
Or next time she has a wedding anniversary and expects the family to be there, you can let them know you have to attend a Zen retreat at some misty lighthouse.

I do find that there is a possibility of nesting your own life to suit you, and deciding freely for yourself what you are able to give her, and then a LOT (a lot) of those hard feelings will ease up.

Anyway, if you feel like talking we're here!

Blessings,
A