Re: Patterns in relationships - need advice

Hi shinzui_,

I think it is interesting that you came to the Near Death Experience Support Forum to post your concerns. I have been visiting this site for years but recently there have been a lot of questions arise about intimacy, sexual energy, and how it relates to our relationship with our souls and spirit. You did mention an aspect of feeling like you missed the mark on finding your "soulmate." I am certain there is always spiritual disharmony connected to chemical level disharmony. I will try to take a shot at this because it speaks to me on a very personal level. I have weird patterns for relationships as well. All of my long term relationships have been with women whose mother has died(several) or they have a very disconnected relationship with their mother. I have no idea why that is the case but somehow my pattern for attracting mates for intimacy but perhaps I have not attracted the most emotionally balanced women. I have a distinct feminine side of me that may appeal to some women that may send a spirit level signal to them that I will balance out their lack of feminine energy. I am not sure about this but the pattern is always the same. My father abandoned me when I was a young child and my mother remarried but I still missed out on something. Maybe that missing something I made up for with feminine energy. I have never chosen my intimate partners. They have always chosen me. At first my intimate parntners relish in having found me but the pattern that most often occurs in me is that once we begin having sex, sex wakes up a very masculine part of me. It is always a fantastic fusion of missing aspects of myself fusing with the missing aspect of my lover that makes for an almost unstoppable desire to give and take through sexual intinacy the missing aspects of ourselves. But when we come up for air and life has to go on...work...school...raising kids...etc... I often begin sharing my feminine(not sexual) nurturing side with others because that is who I am. In every case, when I further find my sexual partner does not respect my nurturing of others, I often react my witholding my nurturing side from them as well. My pattern is that my lovers/wives/soul mates start resenting that I want to nurture more than just them they often feel very jealous. Instead of finding a nurturing person like myself, I attract women who grow to hate that I want to be there for others and they may even learn to hate my very masculine sexual energy. It reminds me of an allergic reaction...what was once a delicious craving, becomes repulsive. The arguments start and weaknesses once forgiven because their was a temporary balance caused by sexual exchange of each others energy no longer is enough. More and more and more sex can not forever fill the hole in one's personality imbalance within a relationship.
I believe I am now on the other side of your dilimna.

I am not saying your pattern is like my pattern but what struck me from your post is how I am now in a married relationship with a woman who is almost exactly like you. She no longer feels like having sex and picked up a lot of weight. I feel very out of sorts. I know the answer is for me to give her more of my feminine side but I resent very much not having sex for almost two years. I have not cheated but I am learning to replace my sexual gratification by pouring myself into other things. I am not sure if we will last much longer but I do feel a very strong spiritual connection with my wife. Perhaps I can learn to give her my feminine side unconditionally and not expect sexual gratification and it will return to a healthy balance. If I were to choose another mate instead of being chosen, I might look for a woman who has an extraordinary amount of compassion for helping others but I have come to realize that I can't worry about what might occur in the future but to enjoy what I have today. I enjoy nature more than ever. I enjoy giving to others. I even enjoy my wife. I guess I am balanced now. I don't know how much longer I can sustain the balance but I am going to enjoy my day. When I am away from my wife, I still miss her, but I can not give her the energy I once gave her when we were intimate. I guess that might look selfish but I do not do what I want to do; I do what I do.