London

Spring 03

I feel so sad today
It reminds me of you
Days like this always do
Late spring, late afternoon, restless
Like something could happen but it never does
Coffee drinking, pen chewing, blank staring, daydreaming
Replaying each of our moments on my minds private screen
I close my eyes

And I could almost be with you again
Just sitting, smiling, taking you in,
Soaking you up
Your energy, your smell
Letting you become part of who I am

I’ll be back
Because I love you
deeply and without question
I know you will wait
And I pray you won’t change
I will be back
Because it’s all that keeps me going
Then – again –
We can merge with each other
So much of you in me
And so much of me in you
And then my heart will sing and my smile will be real

Our first encounter was like coming home
As indeed it was
We should have been together from the start
Fate, however, displaced me then
As it has done now
And we are apart once more
I work hard at trying not to ask why
And I stop myself from thinking of you
Because the mention of your name tightens my throat and stings my eyes
So that I hesitate before I speak
Lest I give myself away.
Everybody thinks I’m fine now
Back to normal, no more running away
Bless them.
They think I’m over you.
Who could blame them, when it’s what they want to believe
And I hide it well, anyway

But Christ I miss you
So, so much
And it has to be so
But how it hurts
And all I can do is sigh, as I stare
Out the window to the sea
Past the horizon to where you are
And where I should be