apb put out on john edwards...hasn't been seen in weeks.

Calling all cars, calling all cars...be on the lookout for a short, white, elitist, ambulance-chaser with stylish dark hair. Last seen cramming for an upcoming debate. Has been known to scurry under desks for fear of being pummeled by the VP, Dick Cheney. If anyone knows of his whereabouts please call the local Democratic Party office in your area or John Kerry's national headquarters. Thank you.