icky feeling dream
I had a couple dreams in a row last night...and I am left with the same icky feeling. So I need some double advice, one for the dream, and one for liofe...the dream seems to be refecting life, and I dont like the advice in the relationshio forum so I thought I would post here.
So a quick background. I am about to move out of my house that my boyfriend and I shared. I move Sunday morning. We were together forabout 2 years and now we mutually decided to break up. But the mutual has turned out to be more him... because I keep loosing my emotional balance and wanting to be together(even though my gut says NO!) I end up feeling rejected and abandoned from him when he sticks to the agrement that we made. I have issues becuase a a chronic theme of low functioning members of my family leaving me or choosing a substance over taking care of me when I was young. So I totally end up feeling like a little girl begging this guy to stay, it hurts and is demoralizing and kinda lame.I also try to be really understanding and I get walked all over sometimes, because instead of getting angy and not engaging in conversations with him when he does disrespectful stuff, I push the conversation and end up feeling of less value.Itr drives me crazy and is almost embarassing to talk about!
So the greams last night:
One was his freind coming over and we were all eating cookies. Later I found out they were white
Sugar and white flour cookies which made me a little upset being allergic to wheat. My ex was there and they were talking about how it was ok to smoke cigaettes and joints in the house. I was suprised and said that no it wasnt.(I hate ciggarette smell, and being around my ex when he is high) He got defensive and I jjsy kept trying to get him to understand that it was something we talked about...but he was being a jerk and I just kept trying and trying and trying...... I think he ended up leaving and I felt so frustrated because I spent all me energy on trying to get him to understand when I really felt I should of just stood up for myself regardless of if we wouldnt like or love me anymore.
The second dream was him again...but he had a kid and an ex wife... I was sleeping over too. I wasnt to be with him and for him to give me attention. But he wouldnt, he just kept saying that he was tired..and everytime he said it I felt like I got a pounch in the face. In the dream i was almost begging him to give me some time and affection but he contiuned to reject me... there was a little girl their too..and in some weird was I felt I was competing with her and the iother woman for his time.
The third dream was the same theme. I was running from this group of men that were trying to capture me. I think I was a guy in this dream. I Had been running for a long time, maybe a couple of weeks from these men who wanted to do experiments or something. Then I saw my ex, but this time he was a she, and I did the same thing, I asked her to hang out with me, and she said no, then I asked again and again and I was rejected over and over, I tried to make her feel bad for me,,,,but she still said no...... I felt horrible watching her back as she walked away.
Please help me to sort this all out....obviously I am doing this to myself..... but what do I do. I need some womanly advice. How to be assertive and stand up for yourself in a compassionate way? How can I not contiually chase after the sitations of my early childhood..... and anything else you guys can see in the dream!
Thanks.....