Re: Fighting & War & Killing

I am probably trying to struggle with some type of spiritual & physical limitations? I have to wonder if this dream was realted to either of these two incidents:

1) One of my volunteers was nearly abducted from a gas station by two men and if it were not for the gas station attendant, who came out and dragged her out of the abducter's car, a terrible tragedy may have occured. Also my daughter & I were at a store on the same day & some men started whistling at her. There was a dark spirit in them..it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I came to find out one tried to talk to her while I was busy in the check out line, saying " Hey Baby" but I missed it.
Both were near-misses but somehow I felt a certain amount of loss of belief in the general goodness of men and both incidents left me feeling helpless.

2) My ex-wife just died...and although I have found someone to love, my ex was/is a huge part of my life. I didn't leave her because I didn't love her...her drinking was so severe that I could not live with her...I have never stopped loving anyone. I went to bed that night asking to meet her in my dream. But I never did. I just wanted her to know that her memory is still beautiful in my heart and that I love her. I have had a sense of her presense since her death but no contact. I felt...feel very frustrated about not being able to help her. She went to AA but it never helped her stop... She has been in & out of treatment and hospitals dozens of time but from time to time I would hear from her. I just wanted to help her but it was such a painful experience...the most painful loss in my life...& I can't really express it to my new family and I have been having a huge spiritual struggle about it.
Maybe I just want to be free to pass over and escape the restrictions of this world. She gave up her fight and died. My prayers could not stop her death,,,I am going through these changes and experiences and I am also struggling the added difficulty of of a lack of concentration...I can't seem to clear my mind...

I went to a Quaker meeting Sunday & did find some relief... They just sit in a circle and someone speaks when they are lead by their spirit to speak...One person spoke about transformation and how icky a butterfly is right before it comes out of it's cocoon. Another spoke about how God's spirit was with Jacob even though he was a scondrel and a liar...and how we can be used even though we we are not perfect...

but mostly the hour passed with lots of time for meditation & prayer and silence...
I wanted and asked to speak to her again
&
I was struggling with my dream...I felt I needed to say I was opposed to killing and war but I could not speak because of my dream...

War...

I found a pacifist church & now I am not sure if I am a pacifist...

I feel trapped in both dilemnas & I can't say which drove my dream but I am not at peace with either situation and clarity is far from me...I feel I am swimming in a fog....

What would I have done to keep my daughter from being abducted...would I kill? What would I do to see my ex-wife...would I die?

I feel like I let those I have a responsibility to protect down by putting them in harms way & not being there to stop the evil being plotted against them...

My dream may have been a reaction to how I operate in the spiritual realm, when my physical world has become dangerous and unpredictable? I sense a huge change in the future for the world and but will I be there for those I am responsible for? I have failed to meet the physical and spiritual needs of those who I feel obligated to protect while even my prayers have failed me as well...


There is pain right before transformation. We are most vulnerable right after we come out of our shell..cocoon...old ways of thinking... & I feel very vulnerable...& frightened...
I am trembling spiritually and the physical world is frightening as well..
I don't know where I am....





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