Long and winding update

Had I not written and posted it yesterday, I think I could and would have convinced myself by now that it didn't happen. Still hurts to try to focus on it directly. It's like it's ok to "see' the bridge scene, but any further digging, especially trying to go back through the whole data dump process is just one big No Entry void. Know how when you get a tooth pulled and it feels like a big gaping hole is where SOMETHING used to be - and you miss the something, your tongue keeps wanting to check out the new empty area, you keep looking in mirror, the thing that WAS there, that was part of YOU is now NOT there, just - gone. Feels kind of like that with an added energy dampening field that grows stronger the longer you stay and resonates at just the frequency to vibrate inside your skull, frazzle all thinking, and make your very brain hurt. Yeah, sort of like that, almost. All that knowledge... ALL that Knowledge...

Tracey, I *know* you'll like this. The city scape is well lit and full of all the different colored energies. I mentioned that the rest of the scene seemed lit by the glow of the lightworkers. I neglected to mention that the glow is a soft toned down reddish pinkish color - like the light from 40 watt red, peach, and white light bulbs mixed together. Lit, but not brightly. Actually, very utilitarian feeling. All the bridges are bathed in that color light and it extends back into the crowds behind us, fading color as it dims to darkness (so the farthest back is in gray, all color drained.) Was a secondary part of the dream that got lost in the telling.

OK, so, yesterday found me so completely brain fried that I resorted back to Zen (chop wood, carry water) - went out and chopped and hauled a lot of wood (huge brush pile in the back that we can *finally* get rid of, if it's moved to the front curb.)

Did it help? Well, my back is complaining, my hands are callused, and the pile is moved and ready for pickup .... ;)

Right. Asked for clarification last night. Had a bunch of little short vignettes that didn't appear to mean anything, so, in this morning's pre-awakening time when I was trying to remember them, I rather half-sarcastically, half-tiredly asked for meaning, how to actually get something physical and practical out of it all. [How to make it 'manifest' - see previous post.]

"YOU *KNOW*."

EEeeekkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That shot me out of bed VERY quickly!! Literally jumped right up wide awake and on my feet a few hours before normal. Those "voices" don't come often, and NEVER come back to back like that. Ok, so, obviously *not* _never_, but you know what I mean. (No, the dog isn't telling me to clean the guns or anything - besides, I don't even have a dog right now.)

I just wish *I* knew what I mean! LOL I laugh, but I'm serious, too. When you don't know you know, those revelations are just so very cool. When you know you know, well, you know, hehe. But when you don't know what you know you know but you do know that you know you know ... it's frustrating! [Welcome to my mind, please excuse the mess - caught me right in the middle of a big spring cleaning ... you know how it is. ;) ]

BUT, there are some dangling ends, words, images that just feel 'right' and feel connected. Like my gator dream: For some reason, that particular dream and it's imagery are repeatedly popping into mind. Feel a *very* strong connection between that gator dream and the bridge scene - and they do share a *lot* of symbolism.

Tracey, I get the distinct feeling that I am one of a set of bridges, each a different person, each a connection for different paths from wherever to the positive energies before us all. Metal, wood, stone - mine was/is stone (direct connection with Mama - I *like*!)

Some get to work with the Light, to form a new reality, to draw others to the Light in hopes that, if enough people come, if enough energy gets transmuted, then a whole new paradigm for humanity can begin -a cooperative partnership *AND* type reality rather than continuing on with the partriarchal *OR* type reality. Some see the light and go to join it - embrace it. Some see the Light off in the distance, but only as a way to see their immediate surroundings and have no interest in searching for the Source or for any reason or meaning behind it. Some never see the Light, or refuse to look at it, or even turn their backs on it to continue on the old, 'domination style' ways. Some see the Light and want to go to it, but feel cutoff from it, and some of us are, or are becoming, the connections between the disenfranchised and the Lightworkers - the "bridges' between the old and the new, between the physical and the spiritual, between the old wisdom and the new knowledge.

Many different layers there, all conjoined, all flowing smoothly together, incomplete, but getting there....

Yes, Tracey, in the risk of sounding egotistical, I *do* think the bridges are on a large scale. But, the feeling I have in relation to the whole dream is one of very humble service, no ego, just the opposite, in fact. Actually a very pragmatic, very matter-of-fact and, well, practical function to perform. I still feel like the bridges are simply tools - remember my post a long time ago where I talked about knowing my role is like the warp threads, not the pretty shiny embroidery this time around? The bridges are like the warp threads, in the background, important, but in a background way, not centerstage, not spotlighted. If one falls, another will be rebuilt in it's place. Bridges aren't the way, they are simply facilitators along a path. Bridges bring and blend many paths together and help them cross over.... there's *definitely* something there, I can *feel* it....

However, I'm still tripping over how to *be* a bridge in practical terms. Of course, my subconscious or whoever is postive that *I KNOW*, so, .... writing? 1-1 interfacing? teaching? healing? I just, was about to say "don't know" ... sigh... I'm still at that featureless crossroads, trying to figure out which path to take.

Anywhich, I really appreciate Everyone's input. You guys all seriously rock! Thanks, Everyone for listening, thinking, responding, caring. You all mean more than I can say. =)


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