Celebrate
Let your confusion lead you deep within yourself. ALL literature and words can only point to a "spiritual" reality. There is a vast difference between spirituality and religion or dogma. Spiritual truths in deepening levels become unmistaknely self evident. Your spiritual reality must be experienced from within your consciousness because the "physical" reality is a secondary aspect of your consciousness. It is a projected reality.
Again, words can only point to an experience but are no where near the fullness of the experience in all it's depth. Words are only symbols breathed out of consciousness. They are a creation of consciousness, a secondary aspect of it akin to a souvenier of complex conscious states of experience.
What you may find interesting is that *my* spiritual journey came through me from inside and only after my inner realizations were actualized, only then did I resonate with others who have taken a similar journey path of awakening. There was no indoctrination. No social programming. This is much different than being conditioned into a belief system from the outside in as is the case with many religions both traditional and even new age. Infact, it was after chipping away at belief systems, quieting my mind, and without "outer" influence, a spiritual understanding from inner experience/awareness, a kind of reconnection to source,an epiphany occured. In that "awakening" process, I have been left with no fear of "death" but only a profound knowing of who I am, my life purpose, and a feeling of joy and creative expression. I am no longer a victim but a creator. I found that I am "god" in fragmented form experiencing one vantage point of a sea of possible vantage points. Consciousness (god) exploring itself. I have also found that as I take steps to become more and more coherent, the experience becomes more and more profound.
Welcome confusion. It is a means to clarity.
You are on a great path of discovery. It is a never ending path unless one allows themself to become spiritually entropic. Religious disease (closed mind...stagnancy ...incoherency) is a shut door on consciousness usually due to fear (anti-creation...anti-love).
See how you resonate with the following:
Profound Story
The Journey