WORDS OF MASS CONFUSION

Greg Crosby

Words of Mass Confusion

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Since the Iraqi war began, we've been hearing some words, expressions, and technical terms on television that many of us are not all that familiar with. Some words are military jargon used by Defense Department spokespeople, other terms are being used by reporters and analysts. Needless to say, (but I will anyway) it can be difficult for those of us not particularly up on the latest terminology to follow the developments in the war on terror when various key words and technical expressions keep sailing over our heads.


I've compiled a list of definitions for much of this new terminology that I hope will be helpful to you as you continue to follow our progress on the war with Iraq. In some cases I've actually done some research -- in most cases I've just taken my best guess.

Weapons of Mass Destruction: Usually meaning nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons which are capable of causing the deaths of hundreds and thousands of people.

Weapons of Mass Distraction: Actors, singers, and other entertainers who feel it is "their right of free speech" to spew their ultra-liberal rhetoric to the world -- like anybody really gives a rip.

Weapons of Mass Media Distortion: The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, CNN, and other left-leaning elite mass media.

Wusses of Minimal Distinction: America-hating, loud-mouth ingrates like Michael Moore, Gore Vidal, Harry Belafonte, and college professors too numerous to mention individually.

Weasels of Misrepresentation: They would include France, Germany, and Russia. Weepers of Mass Demonstrations : Anti-war protesters.

Embedded reporters: Journalists officially assigned to, and traveling with specific military units on the front lines.

Imbecilic reporters : Narcissistic, self-serving jerks like Peter Arnett and Geraldo Rivera who place their own careers ahead of the safety and well-being of our troops.

Shock and Awe: What President Bush gave to Saddam Hussein.

Shuck and Jive: What President Clinton gave to America.

Abu Dhabi: The official television station of Iraq -- not to be confused with Abba Zabba, which is a candy bar full of peanut butter. What Abu Dhabi is full of is certainly NOT peanut butter.

Black Hawk, Apache Longbow, Tomahawk: Even though these sound like weapons from Custer's Last Stand, they're all part of today's military arsenal.

Sortie: A long wooden bench with a back. No, wait -- that's a settee. A sortie is an evening party or reception. No, that's a soiree. Hmmm. Well I know it's not a frozen sherbet because that's a sorbet. Maybe it has something to do with airplanes or something.

Uday: Saddam Hussein's first son.

Qusay: Saddam Hussein's second son.

Otay: How Buckwheat says "okay."

Smart Bombs: Bombs that are able to pinpoint a specific target with amazing accuracy.

Dumb People: "Human shields" who volunteer to put themselves in the way of smart bombs.

TV Military Analysts: Retired COs who make big bucks going on television and trying to second guess General Tommy Franks.

Casualties of War : Retired COs and other pundits who thought they could second guess General Tommy Franks.

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