Hanging On To Pain

COMMENTARY on A Course In Miracles

I will receive whatever I request.
Link To Audio Lesson

This can be an upsetting idea! It means that whatever I have received, I requested. We don't like to hear that, and it can seem harsh. "You've got cancer? You asked for it." Used that way it is harsh, a weapon for
separation instead of a tool for union. How could anyone desire sickness and pain? The thought seems absurd.

If everything is really our choice, a choice based on what we want, it seems impossible that pain and unhappiness could arise at all. We might express that impossibility as a syllogism, which seems to make sense:

Nobody wants pain (1:1).

Nobody, therefore, would request pain.

Everyone receives what he requests or wants (1:5).

Therefore, we cannot receive pain.

That seems logical, doesn't it? If the first three are true, the fourth must be true. So how come I hurt? We must be missing something; our logic must be flawed. The flaw lies between points 1 and 2. Nobody wants pain, but
nevertheless, we request it; that is why we receive it.

Why would we request something we don't want, like pain? Because our perception is so upside-down, we mistakenly think that we really want it (1:6). Taken in by the ego's insanity, we think pain is pleasure (1:2),
and joy is threatening (1:4). The latter is perhaps a little easier to understand since it is a common experience. Haven't you ever had the thought
"This is too good to last"? Or perhaps you've found yourself very happy in a relationship and suddenly getting afraid of it because some part of you is nearly certain that if you keep your guard down you're going to get
smacked good. I had a friend who somehow entered a very high and totally joyful state of mind and was there for nearly three weeks until she started thinking, "This is wonderful. I love everybody, I have no fear of
anything, but if I live like this in the world I'm going to get crucified. Maybe I'm not enlightened; maybe I'm just insane." So she lost the joy, and it never
came back in quite the same way.

We really do avoid joy. We value our suspicions. We cherish our defenses. We're afraid of simply opening up to joy. So, quite unconsciously most of the time, we request unhappiness. We choose not to be peaceful.

The confusion of pain and joy is much more deeply buried, but the Course teaches that pain validates our separateness and justifies our barriers against one another. We choose it to strengthen our ego identity. It is
perhaps difficult to believe that all of our pain and unhappiness is chosen, but the Course is insistent on this point.

We actually do unconsciously ask for all sorts of painful things that we consciously claim we do not want. Much of the Text is dedicated to bringing this unconscious asking to conscious awareness; making us aware of what
we are choosing so that we can realize how insane it is and make another choice.

Fortunately, we can change our minds. We can begin, consciously, to choose joy. When a moment of pain arises we can accept the fact that we are choosing it, and choose again. We can say, "This is not what I want; I
choose joy." We can choose peace instead of upset. One thought I repeat so often that it is practically a mantra is "Oops! I'm doing it to myself again." It is remarkable what a change this fundamental realization can
make in one's life.

Read now the short prayer that closes this lesson, and start your day with these thoughts. If you've already started the day, start it over right now.
Stop a moment and adopt this mind-set. Setting the tone of your mind right now will carry over into the day and bring changes you can't begin to foresee now.


W-pII.12 (Part 9)
W-pII.12.5:1

The ego's "darkened shrine" is flooded with light; the bloody altar to death is transformed into "the shrine to Life Itself." How? By "one lily of forgiveness" (5:1). I think of a magical, fantasy tale, where the heroine or
hero enters the black, forbidding temple of the evil god, carrying only a single flower. With great trepidation she approaches the altar and lays the pure, white lily upon it, and in a flash, the entire scene is transformed.

Forgiveness is that "magical." It isn't magic, though, it's a miracle. When the blessing of forgiveness descends upon us, "an ancient hatred" becomes "a present love" (T-26.IX.6:1). That is the miracle forgiveness works. I
have seen it with my own eyes. I have watched a relationship filled with blood and bitterness transformed into sweet, mutual devotion--through forgiveness.
This is no idle theory, no idealistic fantasy; this works.

Forgiveness undoes the ego. The blackest of blackness that the ego has manifested becomes flooded with light when touched by forgiveness. We need not fear to look at our ego's darkness; there is nothing forgiveness cannot
heal.
--

The opinions expressed in this commentary are the personal
interpretation and understanding of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by the copyright holder of A Course in Miracles(r). The author, Allen Watson, while cknowledging the inspiration of the Course, takes full responsibility for the information and teaching herein.

Portions from A Course in Miracles (r)(c) Copyright 1975,
Psychotherapy: Purpose, Process and Practice, (c) 1976, The Song of Prayer, (c) 1978, are used by permission of the copyright holder, The Foundation for "A Course in
Miracles," 41397 Buecking Drive, Temecula, CA 92590.

The Workbook Commentaries are Copyright 1995, 2001, 2002, 2003 by The Circle of Atonement, P.O. Box 4238, W. Sedona, AZ 86340. All rights reserved.

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