NDE

Rudy, you may want to forego this account of NDE. You have mentioned several times that until you write your book that you are trying not to be coloured by other's experiences. So this is your personal warning. Everyone else...dive in. I am curious as to what your feelings and thoughts will be about this account.

Tracey, you'll notice the reference to Christ Consiousness.
Not exactly the traditional account of the Jesus symbol. I's like to hear how this hits you once you've read it.

Dean, there is a link to ghost pics that he took in his room after his experience. Hard to make them out. Maybe you or mom could comment on them in context to this account or anything else that strikes yer fancy.

Everyone else, chime in and let me know your thoughts, first impressions, etc.

This fellow and his wife have an interesting website. I have left an email message for him at his site inviting him to check out curezone. I have a feeling that he may benefit from some of the healing knowledge available here and we may benefit by some of his new insights.

Here is a reprint of his story.

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Experiences in Spirituality: My NDE

By John Novak



I developed a swollen and infected pancreas during the last few days of March of this year (2000). This began as what felt like really bad gas pains in the stomach. After repeated attempts at clearing it up with over-the-counter anti-gas medications with no relief, I finally had my wife drive me to the emergency room at the University of Washington Medical Center here in Seattle. After going through various blood and other tests, they determined that it was a problem with the pancreas being infected. They gave me some pain medication and sent me home with instructions to stay in bed and not eat or drink anything but water. This was on Sunday, April 2nd.

The pain finally stopped about two days later, and I started feeling better, but my stomach still felt bloated. The following Friday (7th), the pain started again, but not quit as bad. So I returned to my water diet and stayed in bed until the next afternoon when I had my wife drive me back to the ER.

This time they admitted me into the hospital immediately and immediately put an IV in with a complete restriction on food and water because my entire digestive system shut down. They also started me on pain medication with a machine that allows the patient to inject it into their system through the IV with the push of a button. I could give myself a "fix" every 6 minutes.

I guess I should state at this point to those who have never experienced pancreatitis that it is one of the most painful medical conditions there is. This is confirmed not only by my own pain, but this is what all the doctors have been telling me. I have also talked to several women who have it and they have all said that was even more painful than giving birth. In other words, "OUCH!"

The University of Washington hospital is, as the name implies, a teaching hospital. So when my main attending doctor came to see me, he had two student doctors with him. From the moment this doctor came into the room, I knew I had a good one. I told him that I was using meditation to help with the pain and he was very pleased to hear that. He told me that he had extensive training and experience with meditation and yoga. You can't imagine how pleased I was to hear this.

So for the next 3 days, it was nothing but dealing with the pain. No food or water by mouth. I was meditating every chance I could. Forget about trying to sleep through the night. It just wasn't possible. It was all I could for an hour of sleep at any one time. At one point, the doctors tried an Antibiotic through the IV to help my body fight the infection in the pancreas, but my body rejected it. None of the doctors had seen anything like it. I have never been allergic to Antibiotics . It was as though my body wanted to fight it on it's own and was forcing the Antibiotics out right through the muscle and skin. It caused the muscles in my left arm right around where the IV went in to turn hard as rock and the skin above it began to bubble up. They thought at first that maybe the IV wasn't in properly, so they moved it from the inside of my elbow up to a vein in my wrist. Same thing started happening. The muscles in my wrist became rock hard and the skin began bubbling. So they stopped the Antibiotics . It still hurts to this day and it looks like I'm going to have to exercise with weights to rebuild the muscles in that arm that were effected. Weird. They still have no idea why this happened.

At some point during the late morning of Wednesday (day 4 in the hospital), the pain stopped. I also at that point stopped the pain medication. About 4 hours after that last dose of medication, I tried to sleep. Within minutes of closing my eyes, I began getting a tingling sensation all over my body. I started hearing a rushing sound. I was about to have an Out of Body Experience. I was familiar with this feeling because it was exactly what happened when I went out of body the 3 times I tried in my early twenties when I was experimenting with OBE techniques. But just at that moment, a noise from outside my door startled me back awake.

This happened 3 times in a row. Same thing. Just as I was at the point of going out of body, I was jerked back by a noise from outside my door. Frustrating to say the least. The 4th time I got to the point of OBE was different. Instead of a noise, I felt someone tap very lightly on my toe. I tried to ignore it at first hoping that I could continue on and go out of body, but then the thought came that it might be a family member coming to see me. That thought snapped me back awake. And to my surprise, nobody was in the room.

I realized at that point that for some reason, someone or something did NOT want me to sleep. So I gave up and instead thought I would try to meditate and rest my mind that way. This was how I was able to keep my body and mind rested with so little sleep.

The instant I closed my eyes, I had full vision. I was not in my room anymore, but instead I was being taken on a trip around the hospital to various rooms and hallways. I began seeing scenes play out. Not only was I seeing these scenes (in full 3d color), but I was also picking up the emotions and feelings attached to them. I also became aware very quickly that I was seeing people walking around who were no longer among the living. I was seeing ghosts. Hundreds of them. Everywhere. All stuck, not knowing they had died. The scenes were going by so fast that I almost couldn't keep up. I began to get scared and I opened my eyes.

It stopped. I sat there not believing what just happened. So I thought that I would close my eyes again hoping that it was just a one time thing.

It happened again. Instantly. Scene after scene kept flashing by. I opened my eyes and it stopped.

I closed my eyes and it started up again. Scenes went flying by. I'll tell you the two most vivid scenes I remember.

The first one involved a very old man. He was standing in the hallway trying to get someone to come help him, but nobody would listen. He could just barely walk and people just zoomed right by him. He would return to his room only to find a new patient had been issued his. So he would wander around until he could find an empty room to take over, begging and pleading with people to help. But nobody would hear him. Lost and forgotten and nobody seeming to care. He was doomed to wander to hallways and rooms of the hospital not knowing he was dead.

The second scene I can vividly recall involved a small family of about 4-5 people in a waiting area. I could sense through their emotions that their daughter's baby had just died at birth. I became confused at this point because I couldn't figure out why this whole family was here. They were all "ghosts". But why all of them? Only the baby had died. Were these really lost souls, or was I seeing a psychic imprint that kept repeating itself over and over in an endless loop? Then an even scarier thought came to mind. What if the baby was stuck here in death and the family members where a mental projection by it?

That last thought really hit me hard. I couldn't handle thinking that the souls of babies could get stuck here. I thought to myself that there was no way I could handle seeing this anymore without doing something. I had to help these souls get free. Fighting back the tears that were pouring from my eyes, I decided that I had to try. Even if it was just saying something like, "Go towards to the light." Anything.

I closed my eyes. Once again, the scenes started flashing by. I tried speaking to them, but they couldn't hear me. I started wondering to myself how I could communicate with them. Then I noticed a tingling sensation in my throat and neck area. The effected area started out in a wide area that covered just under my chin down to just above my heart. It started concentrating itself into a smaller and smaller area right at my throat chakra and suddenly a very bright light like a laser beam shot out of my throat towards the ghost. THE GHOST SUDDENLY LOOKED AT ME! I screamed out, "GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT! YOU HAVE DIED! FOLLOW YOUR LOVED ONES!" (or something similar...can't remember specifically.) It heard me, and I watched it turn in the direction I pointed to and it walked towards the light.

I was then ripped away from the scene and on to the next. It was all happening so fast and I couldn't control how long I could stay, but I yelled out every chance I could in hopes that they would all go in the direction of light. I did see many of them turn and walk towards their light, but I would be taken from the scene before seeing if they actually made it or not.

I don't know how long this went on for. It seemed timeless. I finally opened my eyes.

A wave a total joy came over me as I began to realize that my life-long search for personal proof of the existence of life after death was just handed to me. My entire life went from a random, senseless pattern of events and experiences to a life of events and experiences that all happened at just the right moment, preparing me for what I was now facing. It was confirmation of everything that I have been suspecting for some time now about who I am and why I came here. I felt like the whole of creation had just opened up before me. It was powerful.

At the same time, a wave of sorrow came over me because the proof for me also showed that these souls were suffering. And I knew that in order to really help them, I had to learn to control when the scenes changed.

The whole rest of the day felt like I could do no wrong. I shared my experience with my wife and I called up a few friends.

Just after midnight, my brother came to visit me. I had him drive me around the hospital in a wheel chair. I had him take me outside because I needed to feel fresh air in my lungs and I wanted to put my feet on real ground. I have never felt a stronger connection to creation than in that moment when the fresh air filled my lungs. Colors seemed more vivid. The stars seemed to glow brighter.

I then decided that I need to find the highest spot we could find with a view on the top floor of the hospital. It became my mission, so my brother and I found an elevator and started up. We got out at the 18th floor to a contruction area with "Keep out" signs. I was prepared to go on anyway, but just as I started pushing the wheels, a man walked out from around the corner. I asked him if he could tell me where a good view was in the building. He gave us directions. He could have just told us to get lost, or turned us in for being in an area we shouldn't.

We found this great window at the end of a hallway. It was a great view of the University of Washington with the football stadium just below us. We could have watched a game going on with this view. So my brother grabbed a chair and sat down, and I went about telling him about the experience I had that day. Blew him away, to say the least.

We finally went back to my room 2 and a half hours later (about 2:30 AM). I could tell my nurse wasn't all that pleased, so I told her that I had gone through a very spiritual experience earlier in the day and needed to get out of my room for awhile. I told her that I would tell her about it if she wished. She said she would after she ate her dinner. My brother wheeled me to my room and left shortly after.

10-15 minutes later, the nurse came in. She listened to the whole thing. I don't know if she believed what I told her, but she seemed to at least believe that I had an amazing experience because she said something like, "Wow! No wonder you can't sleep." She then wished that I would try. I agreed. So she shut off the lights and closed the door.

It was within 30 seconds after the lights went out that I had a wave of emotion overtake me. I broke down in tears. I was hit with extremes of both joy and sorrow. The joy came because I had seen with my own eyes what in my mind is the proof of life after death. You have to understand that my whole life has been a long and hard personal quest trying to determine not only who I am and why I'm here, but to have just this kind of experience that would validate everything my own personal search has uncovered. I was also at the same time becoming very overwhelmed with sorrow at seeing these souls stuck in this state.

When I focused on the sorrow I was experiencing, I moved from crying to complete sobbing. I began what I can only describe as a downward spiral into what I felt would lead to my demise. I began crying out that I could not go on. There was no way that I could continue my life with what I had seen. It was just becoming too much for my mind to handle, and there was no way I could go on with my life alone. And I felt very alone. A small voice in my head reminded me of my wife and children, but I was slipping down this path at an even faster rate. Suddenly, my whole life didn't matter anymore. I just didn't care.

This went on for what seemed like hours. I was being ravaged by my own fears and self doubt. Nothing seemed to be able to pull me out of this rut. I continued sobbing uncontrollably. There was a point where I became convinced that there was no way that I could possibly go on. It was over for me. I knew that from here I would go to a mental institution, and then physical death. And I didn't care. I just knew that I could not go on. I felt at that moment that all I had to do was just let go, almost as if releasing my grip from a rope. All I had to do was release my mind, and it would all be over. My pain and anguish would disappear if I just let go.

For some reason, I don't know how, I decided that I had to go on. Letting go was not the answer. I reached a point that felt like the crest of a wave about to fall over and crash, and at this point, I knew I had reached the point of no return. In this moment, I had an experience of what I can only describe as a flash of my whole life's spiritual path. And in that moment, I cried out the name, "Jesus!" because it was a name that I knew and trusted since as far back as I can remember.

Now before I go on, I will need to clarify just who and what it was that I meant when crying out the name Jesus. This was not a call for the Jesus that modern Christianity calls it's savior. I was using a name and knowledge of one man who spoke of a god of pure love. This was the man I knew from childhood, and it it how I pay honor and respect to my parent's teaching.

I was crying out to the Christ Consciousness that is now awakening on this planet. I was calling out to a power beyond the name. I was calling out to all of creation. So no...this is not a "Born-Again" Christian experience. It is much more Universal than that, or any other modern religious institution.

The instant I reached out with my soul and cried out for help, I had the sensation of being grabbed by my whole body and brought back, and gently set down in the midst of a large group of beings. I didn't see anything with my eyes, but I could sense it. It was a very powerful sensation that I can describe only as only a complete knowing that they were there. I was immediately taken with the most loving energy I have ever felt in my life. It took me a few minutes to get my bearings. Once I did, I thanked the being I perceived as "Jesus". At that moment, I caught a glimpse in my mind of his face. He had a big, loving smile and it showed in his eyes as well. That vision lasted but a second or two.

I began to sob again at this point, absolutely humbled that all of creation had taken the time to help me. I also expressed out loud that I was afraid of going on with what I had seen, and that I couldn't do it alone.

"What makes you think you are alone?" the voice of Jesus said.

All my fears and doubts about myself seemed to slowly drain away at hearing those words. I began to understand in this moment just exactly what it was I came to this planet for. I knew that I would be taking a great part in helping these lost souls and other energies to heal and move on. My whole life had prepared me for this moment. I cannot explain to you in words just how powerful this realization was for me. It was as though my life had up to this point been a random series of events that had no thread of continuity to it, and suddenly the thread was pulled tight and all those seemingly random events suddenly lined up in perfect order. My life had not been random. It was a series of what I could now see as meaningful experiences that put me in a perfect place to see where my life would now take me.

I asked Jesus, "When will I really begin doing this work of helping spirits find there way to healing?"

I was startled by the answer.

"When you see them with your eyes open. But now, you must allow your body to heal."

That first sentence still rings in my head.

At some moment, my thoughts turned from myself to the beings I was in company with. I again experienced great humility at having all these beings taking the time to help me. I started sobbing again, but this time I was filled with great joy and love, not only for these beings, but for all of creation. I had to do something. Anything. I had to give back for what I had received. I asked if all present would aid me in healing all the lost souls and any other energies within the hospital. I had to do something.

"As you wish." came the response.

So I began my personal healing ritual that I use to clear out negative energy in my personal space. I called out in love to those who would be of assistance. And as I did so, I felt myself being lifted and set gently down at the right side of Jesus. I was given command of the angels who were present. I called them to work in the highest and best interest of all energies involved for these souls to be healed and lifted, to be taken to their own perfect place and healed with the perfect amount of love they need to advance on their own spiritual paths. I could see with my minds eye as the angels moved all through the hospital with great speed and effectiveness. It was the greatest moment I have ever experienced, and it was powerful.

When I knew in my mind that this healing was complete, I felt like I collapsed from exhaustion (even though I was lying in bed the whole time). And I thanked the beings involved. I thanked Jesus. Then I begged for sleep. In my state of humility, I begged to be left to sleep for even just one hour. I had to sleep. That's all I asked...just one hour.

"As you request", came the reply. Almost instantly, I fell soundly asleep, only to wake up exactly one hour later. Looking back, I should have asked for 8 hours!

At some moment during this experience, I had a visit from a nurse. It's very strange, because I have no idea when she came in. In any case, she cake in and saw that I had been crying, yet she went about her business of checking my vital signs. I felt an energy coming from her. She had a very gentle and loving manner about her that made me feel very comfortable. I very briefly told her that I had had a very spiritual experience earlier. She told me she was Christian and had just moments before coming in my room been reading her bible on her lunch break. She told me two different scriptures that she had just read. I can't remember which ones they were, but they were about having faith in God. I hope I can meet her again some day just so I can tell her that her words and energy helped me.

I will have to say that my life since this experience has more meaning. There are many moments now where I feel as though I can do no wrong. It's like I can walk off a cliff and an angel will be there to put his/her hand under my foot as I take each step, not allowing me to fall. Synchronicity is happening at an amazing rate. My wife has really noticed it with her also. We just have to follow along as they show themselves to us.

So here I am, back from what I can honestly say to you now as the brink of death. If not physical death, then most definitely a mental death. And I heal my body with the knowledge that I will someday be able to see these spirits with my eyes open. And it's been a very slow healing. I lost over 39 lbs. My strength is virtually gone. But I am recovering. I wish to take this moment to thank all of you who've prayed (or sent light, or whatever you do) for me. It has helped more than you may ever know. And thanks to each of you who sent me an email with your loving words. You know who you are. My thanks and love to you all.

I share this experience with you all, not in some attempt to make me out to be more than I am, but to let you know that what happened to me can happen to anyone. Powerful spiritual experiences are a very personal thing that are available to us all. We just have to want them enough. Not only will they transform you, but they will transform the world, and already are in more ways than any of us can imagine.

This was my experience. I don't expect anyone to believe me, and I really don't care one way or the other. Maybe the pictures of the angels I took in the hospital room might convince you something strange did indeed happen. All I ask is that you seek your own answers. Seek your own spiritual experiences and answers instead of relying on someone else to tell you what to think and believe.

All of creation works with those who acknowledge their own divine spark and begin living in harmony with the Universal Directive of Love.

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