Hehehehe Surrogate Father/Photographer

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and
> decided to use a surrogate father to start their
> family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
> Smith kissed his wife and said,
> "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
>
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
> baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a
> sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..."
>
> "Oh, no need to explain I've been expecting you,"
> Mrs. Smith cut in.
>
> "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've
> made a specialty of babies."
>
> "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come
> in and have a seat."
>
> After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
> start?"
>
> "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
> bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the
> bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too....you
> can really spread out!"
>
> "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
> for Harry and me."
>
> "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
> every time. But if we try several different positions
> and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll
> be pleased with the results."
>
> "My, that's a lot of .." gasped Mrs. Smith.
> "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
> I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd
> be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
>
> "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
>
> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
> portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the
> top of a bus."
>
> "Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
> handkerchief.
>
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when
> you consider their mother was so difficult to work
> with."
>
> "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>
> "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the
> park to get the job done right. People were crowding
> around four and five deep, pushing to get a good
> look."
>
> "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened
> in amazement.
>
> "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three
> hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
> yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness
> approached and I began to rush my shots.
> Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my
> equipment, I just packed it all in."
>
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually
> chewed on your um...equipment?"
>
> "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set
> up my tripod so that we can get to work."
>
> "Tripod??"
>
> "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
> It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam?
> Madam?.. Good Lord, she's fainted!"