Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening
passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had
always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day
she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never
go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that
she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a
small diner and he odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any
ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and
before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders baked beans. All
the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure
she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her
and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was
about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang.
He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then
went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure
was becoming almost unbearable. So while her
husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight
! to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she
shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of
cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other
room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone
fare wells
signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with
her napkin placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling
contentedly
to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long. He asked her if she peeked, and she
assured
him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was
surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to
wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

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