Re: i can't make myself want to stop... now what?

I urge you to get counseling. It sounds to me like you really do want to stop and that's the first step towards working on the problem. Please tell your parents you want help. If you feel like you can't tell them, then talk to your guidance counselor. You don't say how old you are but if you are still in school, that's a place to start. My daughter kept her cutting problem hidden from us for 3 years before we found out. She told a teacher who told her guidance counselor who then called us. We got her counseling but she apparently convinced the counselor that she did it only once. The counselor believed her and said that our daughter was OK, just bored. Little did we know that our daughter continued to cut--she was really good at hiding it. She now has alot of problems--got involved with drugs and flunked out of college. Looking back, I wish we knew the full extent of her problem--we wouldn't have given up so easily. Yet, at the same time, if she wasn't willing to work with a counselor to fix her problems, she wasn't going to get any better.
I think in your case, you really do want to stop. So, Please take the next step and start working on your problems. I'm not saying that you will have the same problems as my daughter if you don't get help, but you do need to know why you cut. That way, you can get to the root of your problems and work on making things better.