is this herpes?

how long does herpes (genital) take to show up on you after you've had sex?
and is it ALWAYS open sores? I've been told that it USUALLY is, but SOMETIMES, its
not. (I think some people just get little red bumps, and is that the same thing as a pimple, becuae I do have a few of those, very small, a little itchy - on the hair area,only on ONE SIDE of the vaginal lips, not the other) and the man I made love
to is healthy! He has no symptoms whatsoever, and his last sexual contact was four years ago, since he is married, but in a very very unhappy situation. He and I fell in love, and we've made love a few times, but could he have caught it from the last woman he was with four years ago, and NOT HAVE KNOWN IT and never had any symptoms? that sounds kind of bizarre. He was with her, for 4 mos., wouldn't he have had some symptoms EVER? Now, she could have had it, and it might not have been active at that time, for those four mos., I know that. He has never been with any other woman since then (not even his wife, she doesn't want sex at all, which is why his marriage is so unhappy and stressed) which was four years ago. He hasn't had sex with his wife for 7 yrs. now! (our relationship is only about 10 mos. old) - I do feel "funny" down there latley, kinda sore, not badly, just tender I guess. I had vaginal itching and burning, but that's gone. No real "pain" to speak of down the legs or anything. I did feel sickly for a while, kinda like a bad cold, but I'm also at that perimenopausal age (in my 40's) and this could all be something else. I just find it odd that he would never have had one symptom,(after four years since the other woman) and is still fine. wouldn't he have noticed ANYTHING by now? can a person be infected with herpes, and just be a carrier, and never get any symptoms? (to be honest here, it just feels weird inside my vagina, I can't explain it, maybe that sounds funny, but that's the way it feels)