Poems from a wounded Brain

A collection of poems by Debbie Wilson

Broken Dreams

Don't Take Away My Hope

Glimpses

Going Forward with Life

Loss

TBI Parent of a Teenager



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Broken Dreams



Life flies by, we make plans, we chase after dreams and goals.

We think we are indestructible, that nothing will stand in our way,

then is a split second of time, life changes and the future with it.

If you have not had a brain injury, I do not expect you to understand,

the feeling of loss, loneliness, and the insecurity of who I really am.



I have spent years trying to make the best of a bad situation.

There were many hours spent believing everything would be mended,

by smiling, learning, hoping someday my life would magically change.

I was waiting for anything, that gave me back what I knew I had lost.

The only change that will happen now has got to come from within myself.



Reality is, I have had to come to terms with many broken dreams.

I have to depend on others, something I would have never dreamed of.

Time has taught me to let go, the broken dreams have taught me humility.

Now time is spent planning a new future,developing new dreams and goals.

I am never sure if dreams will come true, but hope is a gift that I give

myself.



The disappointment is always there just under the surface, of what could have been.

The years have not taken away the wounds, they have just taught me to deal with them.

The internal struggle everyday to do the things that were once so easy makes me sad.

But then I look around me and I know that it could be much worse, and I feel thankful.

I still believe broken dreams can be mended, and I choose to spend my energy there.



I have many broken dreams, but I am learning to replace them with new realistic dreams.

There have been many disappointments, but I am learning to replace them with hope.

No, I will never be the same, but I have learned to be satisfied with who I am now.

I do not have to like the changes fate has made in my life, but I do have to deal with them.

Yes, the broken dreams are still there, but new plans and dreams now keep my mind busy.



Sometimes I wonder if broken dreams were meant to be, to change the course of our life.



by: Debbie Wilson

8-19-96

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Don't Take Away My Hope



Things may be bad sometimes and to some may seem hopeless, please just let me accept my life in reality and love my life anyway.

But I am pleading with you not to steal what keeps me going...Hope.



There are those times that I am quite aware of how bad things are,

those temporary moments when I can not see through my streaming tears.

But I am begging you to let me hold on to what I know I need...Hope.



Please do not ever say you could not stand to live the life that I have,

you could not possibly know unless my life were the life you were living.

I am asking you to let me have what I need most for the moment...Hope.



Do not make false promises or paint false dreams, let me have my own dreams.

Please do not as a professional, ever say there are no more answers or help.

I am pleading with you to allow me the life luxury I need most...Hope.



Always there are more answers, it may be just you without those answers.

When you say discouraging things,it makes it hard to hold on to my hope.

I am telling you that all patients need that one joint component...Hope.



If you have not walked in someone else's shoes, do not be too quick to judge.

All of us at times face adversity, just some have to live with it all of the time.

We are somehow able to find strength and endurance through our...Hope.



No matter how grave the situation or how serious the medical problem,

remember that miracles and things not quite understood by man do happen.

Do not ever be so cruel and heartless as to take away someone's...Hope.



Do not ever say we will amount to nothing or get no where in this life.

As long as we are alive, we can share with someone else what we have.

In giving to others the survival tips we have learned we give...Hope.



by: Debbie Wilson

7-24-96

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Glimpses

It was just a split second in time,

now I am forever different from before.

Feeling sad sometimes is certainly not a crime,

none of us can predict what our life might have in store.



My children have lost a crucial part of their life,

my original life dreams were forced to die along the way.

My husband, lovingly, has had to be a caretaker for his wife,

my heart breaks for them, but they seem glad a part of me could stay.



Sometimes there are tears and moments of unbearable sadness,

but in general we all cope, day by day, with our eyes on tomorrow.

In general, we are thankful and our hearts are filled with gladness,

but as with any loss, that lasts forever, we also all feel our sorrow.



No one ever told us what to expect, so denial was our strategy,

but the clock kept ticking and the improvements did not seem to come.

Talking with other brain injured, convinced us there had been a tragedy,

that we must acknowledge, grieve, feel anger and then start recovery from.



Denial was a wonderful place, but it was not real and it did not help us heal.

Recovery has been a rough road, with many a glimpse at my pre-injury aptitudes.

Sometimes I still wonder........what if that pick-up truck had not been able to steal?

Steal what? I still have my life and I am thankful. Recovery seems to be partly attitude.



But those glimpses of another, easier time in life, are a step in our healing process.

I know of no one that would raise their hand and volunteer for this kind of injury or pain,

but that does not mean that we cannot turn our lives, with this injury, into a story of success.

By sharing our information with others, in lessening another's pain, we still can experience gain.



by: Debbie Wilson

9-17-97





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Going Forward with Life



When the clock has gone forward

and all rehab has been completed,

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



Our abilities and level of function

have changed from our brain injury,

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



We cannot go back to a different time

to a place where we have already been.

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



In many ways we are now a new person

old dreams must somehow be put to rest.

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



How do we figure out what is realistic?

Will we know the right path to follow?

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



We have felt a beginning and also an end.

We must somehow say good-bye to the old.

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



It is frightening to find a new beginning,

never knowing if we can possibly succeed.

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



We must stop wasting time and move forward,

we have to let go of "what has been" before.

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



We have to stop hiding, we must not be afraid,

even though every change is quite over-whelming.

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



We have to take steps and venture into unfamiliar,

we must change old goals and think of something new.

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



We start with today and embrace our gift of life,

realistic planning can help to readjust our dreams.

Where exactly do we pick up our life?



We must consider today as the first day of life,

letting go of what once was but can also never be.

That is exactly what we do to pick up our life!



By: Debbie Wilson

10-16-97





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Loss



Hello, please allow me to introduce myself, my name is...Loss. I

travel throughout the universe with a very specific job description.

I have several friends that either travel with me or on their own.

Their names are Pain, Suffering, Grief, Disappointment, Unfairness

and Depression. I wanted all of you to understand the role that we play.

We are all a part of what is known as...the cycle of life. We do not

select our visited because they, are more deserving of heart-ache than

others. Our job is not to punish, it is just to carry out what is to be.



You have not been singled out to be hurt or punished, even though I know

you may have thought so at times. Instead loss is a matter of placement,

timing, chance and influence.



You see we all start visiting you when you are first born. The first time

you experience me is when you are taken from the womb of your mother. I am

the one that visited you when you lost...your first front tooth. I was also

there when you lost...your first race. I was the one that visited you each

time you...had your heart broken. You see I have been a part of your

life...since the minute you were born.



Sometimes my damage was easier to recover from than other times. I noticed

when it was difficult for you...but I could not intervene. I knew that I not

only had a job to do, but you were in the middle of the molding process. You

are the person that you are today because I visited you. Some of you have

handled me easier than others, but all of you have grown and changed as a

result of my visits.



There are so many people out there who have been touched by your

experiences and your loss. Your influence was far more reaching than just to

yourself or your immediate family. There have been lives changed that you

will never even know about, as a result of my visits to you. It was not just

you that needed molding but others as well. I just wanted to take the time

to thank-you for helping me to mold the universe, through your loss.



Sincerely,

Loss



by: Debbie Wilson

5-6-96



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TBI Parent of a Teenager



Finally this stressful week has come to an end,

my broken heart can now have a chance to mend.

Would it help if for a day or maybe possibly two,

you could temporarily be me, and I could be you?



You are my daughter, and only now sixteen,

trying so hard to control me by treating me mean.

I know my injury has been a hardship for you,

but blaming me, doesn't make up for all that you do.



For years you have blamed me for your every mistake,

I have accepted this burden and assumed it my fate.

Your behavior has worsened and stretched me to thin,

If I had no injury, what would your excuse be then?



I will no longer allow your constant lack of respect,

all of my giving has finally made me stop and reflect.

You can no longer use me as an excuse for bad behavior,

I now realize that tolerating this has done you no favor.



Life has been more difficult than any of us could know,

all of my efforts proving fruitless in the actions you show.

Truancy and lying, relentlessly disobeying all of my rules,

has left me no choice but to reach out for other tougher tools.



For years I have tried my hardest to make a positive difference,

being met with rebellion and resistance that makes no sense.

Years of counseling have seemingly changed nothing for you,

now I must face the fate of what juvenile court may decide to do.



I wish you the strength to take on the responsibility of what you do,

hoping that by facing the consequences there will be a future for you.

Without my lack of memory to use as a sword as you have thus far,

my prayer is that you will be motivated to reach for your special star!





Love,

Mom, Debbie Wilson

11-30-97









The Brain In














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