hello all!

so it was about 9 years ago when i had my firt binge and purge. I had finished lunch, went to the smoke deck to have a smoke, and realized that I was extremely full. I don't know how it dawned on me, but suddenly, I thought vomiting would be a good idea. After I was finished, i remember liking very much how my belly felt empty again, and I wasn't hungry.
I don't remember ever being exposed to any info about bulimia. I knew that if one were anorexic, that meant no eating.
I thought I had found a good way to eat and get full, but not gain weight. It's as if there were a trigger in my brain that was just waiting to be pulled. Since that day in 1997, I don't think I've gone longer that one week without b&p. And that was only if I were on vacation, camping, with no chance to do it.

I'm just so at the end of my rope with this. I wonder "why can't I just do it?" Like we all do, I'm sure. I ride dirtbikes in the summer, and ski in the winter, and I know this is holding me back from experiencing the extent of the amount of fun I really could be having. My stamina is low, and I truly believe I am depressed.
The fact that I have no health insurance doesn't help either.
I've been through some therapy, and at least figured out why the trigger was pulled.
I just found this forum today, and I think I will be definately visiting often.
Thank you all for offering your support, and maybe, just maybe, we can form a support system amongst ourselves to help break these horrible chains that bind us.

I can't wait to hear from you!! cheers. Tweet