Control Freak

I grew up in a typical Catholic Suburban Family. I have two older siblings (brother and the eldest is a sister.) My father worked a lot and my mother was obsessed with her weight. When I was 15 I moved with my parents away from everyone I grew up with, down south. My mother and I became fast "friends" because we had no one else. She and I would diet together, from protein diets to metabolism pills. I discovered the art of binging and purging. It brought a great deal of relief and I felt quite successful at it. I was able to kick the habit for a few years until my final year of college. (Mind you, I was still obsessed with dieting) I began to start sneaking food and then puking it back up. I have always been active, but it was a new sense of control in my mind. I felt like I was ridding my body of crap. It is so much more emotional than it started out to be. I still find myself using this method to calm my self down from my anxiety and it has been 10 years since my first time. Over time I have discussed this with my sister, who is 7 years older, as she too has found solice on this method at times, but has been successful in loosing over 75 pounds on a Weight Watchers plan. I am the opposite. I have always been slender, but now at 26, find myself looking and doing extreme things to "keep thin." I have gone to therapy and know what I am doing to my body is hurtful, but I need a reason to not want to do it and am sure a great deal of it is due to the lack of LOVE that I have for myself.

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