Sounds all too familiar

Hi-

I am so sorry you have to go through this! Your situation sounds a lot like mine- Only I married him (knowing it was not forever and couldn't wait for it to be over) AND have 2 kids. Same deal. Workaholic turned into not being a workaholic anymore and being a liar with a really good excuse. I was (and still am) financially dependent on him- I am truly afraid of what is going to happen when he doesn't have to pay for us anymore! But after our house being forclosed on, bancruptcy, repossesed cars, stolen 401k- Am I really worse off- try to divorce someone who is too lazy to fill out paperwork...

I obviously don't know all the details, but the answer to your question is "no" he doesn't want to be there and it's not your fault or your place to change it. This is not plantation days where your families mixed cotton farms so he gets to treat you however he wants. If you are worried about being alone- just think of all the people you are pushing away (or not meeting) because he is in your life.

He is not a nice person and doesn't take your sons welfare into consideration. My Ex also suffers from the "something to do= quality time" syndrome or as I like to call it "Disney world-dad". As a mom, you know that is not true- some of best stuff happens when you aren't shopping or visiting with your friends but actually having to communicate with each other. It isn't your job to entertain your boyfriend (or go along with what he wants to do, and you do not) and it isn't your sons job to accomodate his inappropriate behavior. And taking your child to hang out in places that you would describe as 'dirty' is inappropriate, and I hate to tell you, but your everyday law abiding citizens DO NOT hang out in dirty warehouses!! Believe me, if it weren't for movie theaters or restaurants (always with girlfriend in tow), I don't know what my kids would be doing on the weekends- when he even bothers to show up. Anything to avoid talking to them or doing something 'he' does not think is fascinating. Does that sound familiar to you? It is downright unsafe, and I know we need a break, but at the price of their safety- that is where I draw the line! I wouldn't let my ex take them out of town- swimming is stretching it, he is just too irresponsible. It is not worth what I would lose and the thousand sorrys I would get (i.e. when she broke her arm playing outside with other kids and no adults) just don't cut it.

You don't want to live like this! And he is not ready for a family or even a committed relationship to you. You have a wonderful gift out of this, your son. Be thankful for that- and take it with you.

Being a woman, I had to consider what my children would grow up thinking adult relationships are like- how would they expect to be treated? Abused, pregnant at 16, subservient???? Absolutely not! Now it is your turn to decide what kind of MAN you want to turn out into the world. We pretty much all turn into our parents- so step out of your situation and write down words that describe your life with him, Do you want to be that persons mother?... Here is what would come out of my list: Single-Mom, abused (but I hit first, you know), financially depend on a LOSER, overwhelmed, survivor, working at being a strong woman/role-model - I could go on, but I think you see the point. If you heard your story from anyone else, what would you think of those people? I didn't like what I saw in my situation (in disbelief when I think about it now) and am totally unsure of where my future will lead me, but I do know that my children will not sit and wait for a man for hours and then let him in when he gets there!!!! That is my ultimate goal!

I know it is easier said than done- Its down right horrifying- But you really should find a way to make it work out. You and your son will be so much better off. If you take your son to the park instead someone who doesn't belong there... you might even meet someone that you could trade babysitting with- so you could get some time off to do what YOU want. You've put up with so much- you deserve better!! Tweet