Where Did We Come From and How Did We_

 

No. Individuality does not remain after enlightenment, but enlightenment is individual. You will have to understand it.

A river falls into the ocean. When it has fallen the river has disappeared -- there is no individuality of that river left, but only an individual river falls into the ocean. You fall into the ocean of enlightenment as an individual: you cannot take your wife with you or your friend with you -- there is no way. You go alone. Nobody can take anybody.

How can you take anybody? When you meditate you meditate alone. The moment you close the eyes and you become silent, everybody has disappeared -- the wife, the friend, the children. The nearest are also no longer near; the closest are farthest now. In your deep silence, inner collectedness, you alone exist. This aloneness will fall into the ocean.

So, enlightenment is individual. Of course, after enlightenment individuality disappears; there is no individuality. So remember this: you cannot go en masse; you cannot go as an organization; you cannot go as a sect. You cannot say, "Come on all Christians," or "Come on all Hindus. I am going to enlightenment and I will take all the Hindus with me." Nobody can take anybody else. You are absolutely alone.

And that's the beauty of it, the purity of it. In your absolute aloneness you fall into the oceanic nirvana. Just a moment before, you were a river; just a moment before, you were an individual -- the very peak of individuality, a buddha -- and just a moment afterwards nothing exists. You are no longer a river; you have become the ocean. Now you cannot even say, "I am." The ocean is; the river has disappeared.

You can say it in two ways. The Buddhist way is:  "the river has disappeared." Or, you can say it the Vedanta way: "the river has become the ocean." But both mean the same. "The river has become the ocean," or, "The river has disappeared; only the ocean is." These are the ways of saying the same thing.

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From nowhere. And this word nowhere can be broken into two words; then it becomes now here. These are the two possible answers. Both are true because both mean the same. You come from nowhere or you come from now here.

When you ask, "From where?" you would like to know about the beginning. There is none. You have always been; you will always be. Existence is beginningless, endless. It is not that somewhere it begins. It is not possible, because if existence begins somewhere on some date, day -- as Christians say that it begins before Jesus, four thousand four years before -- that means time existed before existence. That will be foolish because time is part of existence. That means space existed before existence -- otherwise, where will you put this newly created thing? Space is part of existence. In fact, scientists say that space-time is the whole of existence. So time cannot begin because then another time will be needed.

Then you will ask, "When did that time begin?" Four thousand four years ago? On a Monday, at six o'clock in the morning? Then there was time before that: otherwise how did you come to know it is Monday? How did you come to know that Sunday has passed? How did you come to know that it is six o'clock and it was in the morning? No! Time cannot begin because then another time is needed. And if you say, "Okay. We say okay to another time," then that other time cannot begin. Then further ahead another time will be needed. You fall into an infinite regression. You fall into an absurdity which leads nowhere.

There is no beginning. And if there is no beginning, there cannot be any end, because a thing that never begins cannot end. How will it end?

So you come from nowhere. That is one answer. You don't come, you have always been here. From this arises the second and more relevant point: break the word nowhere into now here.

I have heard a story.

There was an atheist, and he was a lawyer, and a very logical man. And to declare his faith he had written on his wall in big letters so whosoever would come would know -- he had written in big letters: GOD IS NOWHERE. Then he became a father; a child was born to him.

The child began learning words. He began reading. He could read GOD IS, but he couldn't read NOWHERE; it was too big a word. So he broke it in two. He read, GOD IS NOW HERE. And I have heard that the father heard it and he was transformed. Suddenly, something melted in him; the child has brought a message.

So break the word into two; become a child. When I say 'nowhere' try to hear 'now here'. Either you come from nowhere or you are born every moment now here. Moment to moment is birth. Moment to moment you die and disappear, and moment to moment you are born again. You are a river-like process, not a thing: a thing is born, then it dies -- finished. No, you are not a thing. You are not static. You are a process, riverlike, flowing. Every moment you are being renewed; every moment you are being resurrected. Every moment you die, and every moment you are reborn.

If you become aware of the present moment you will become aware of this phenomenon also: that every moment you move into the black hole, you disappear, and again come anew out of it. Every moment this is happening, but you are not alert. That's why you miss. To see that interval, very intense alertness is needed.

And then you will not ask the second part of the question:

You are always becoming. Becoming is your being. You are always growing, always and always, and there is no end to it. Don't think that there will come a time when you will become perfect and there will be no growth -- because that will be death. No such moment comes, at no time. One goes on transcending -- from one perfection to another perfection.

Go to the Himalayas. You see a peak and nothing else. Then you go to the peak and suddenly other peaks come into your vision. Then go to other peaks, and again many more peaks come into your vision. The more you grow, the more you see the possibility to grow. The more you become, the more doors open for your becoming -- new vistas, new avenues, new dimensions.

Life is an ongoing phenomenon, a continuum. You never come to a point where you can say, "Now I have become.'' And if you ask for such a moment, you are asking for suicide. Don't ask that. Remain with the process. If you can remain with the process it is so beautiful: to be born again and again, to be rejuvenated again and again. If you say that you would like to be perfect -- like a dead rock -- then no becoming is needed. You are asking for death: you are not a love of life; you have not lived and known life.

Live life, accept life, be alert to the passing moment, and all the mysteries will be revealed to you by your own presence of awareness. There is no other way.

You are coming from nowhere and you are going to nowhere. You are always in the middle; you are always on the path. In fact, I would like to say you are always the path, because the path doesn't exist separate from you. When I say you are growing, don't misunderstand me -- you may think you are separate and you are growing. No. You are the growth. You are the becoming. Nothing else exists.

Then suddenly, in the whole becoming process, in the whole whirlpool of becoming, you find a void, an emptiness -- sunyata -- within you. And that space is wonderful. That space is what we call the benediction.

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This comes from Swabhav. You must have also come across his madness. Now, he himself has become aware of it -- this is a beautiful moment.

If you can be confused, that shows that you are intelligent. Only a fool cannot be confused; only a stupid man cannot be confused. If you have some intelligence you can be confused. An intelligent person can only be confused, so don't look at the confusion. You must have some intelligence, that's why. Now the intelligence is coming on its own, coming of age. The confusion was always there, but you were not alert, so you could not see it. Now you are alert and you can see. It is just like this: you live in a dark room. Cobwebs are there, rats run here and there, in the corners dirt goes on multiplying. Suddenly I come in your room with a lamp. You tell me, "Put off your lamp because you are making my room dirty. It was never so; everything was so beautiful in darkness."

How can I make you confused? I am here to dissolve all your confusions. But in the very process of dissolving, the first step is going to be that you will have to become aware of your confusion. If your room has to be cleaned, then the first step is to see the room as it is; otherwise how will you clean it? If you believe it is already clean... In the darkness you have never known the piles of dirt that have come into it and what miracles the spiders have been doing in your room and how many scorpions and snakes have made their habitat there. If you remain fast asleep in darkness, then there is no problem. A problem exists only for a man whose intelligence is growing.

So whenever you come to me, the first thing, the first impact, if you understand me, will be confusion. That's a good sign. You are on the right path, go on. Don't be worried. If confusion is there, then no-confusion is possible. If you can't see the confusion, then there is no possibility for clarity. Just watch who is saying that you are confused. A confused mind cannot even say, "I am confused." You must have become a little bit of a watcher by the side -- you see the confusion around you like smoke. But who is this who has become aware that there is confusion?

All hope lies in this phenomenon: that a part of you -- a very small part of course, but that too is too much in the beginning -- you should feel fortunate that a part of you can watch and look at the whole confusion. Now let this part grow more.

Don't be afraid of the confusion: otherwise you will try to force this part to go to sleep again so you can feel safe again.

I know Swabhav from his very beginning. He was not confused, that is true -- because he was perfectly stupid. He was adamant, stubborn. He almost knew everything, without knowing. Now, for the first time a part of his being is becoming intelligent, alert, aware, and that part is locking around: there is sheer confusion.

This is beautiful. Now two possibilities are there: either you listen to this part which is saying this is confusion, and you increase it -- it becomes a pillar of light and in that light all confusion will dissolve: or you become afraid and scared -- you start escaping from this part which has become aware, you start drowning it back into darkness again. Then you will be a knower again: stubborn, knowledgeable, everything clean-cut -- no confusion. Only a person who does not know much, only a person who is not aware, can remain without confusion.

A really aware person will feel, hesitate -- every step he will take and he will hesitate -- because all certainties are lost. Says Lao Tzu, "The wise man walks so cautiously, as if he is afraid of death on every step." A wise man becomes aware of confusion; that is the first step.

And then there is the second step: when the wise man has become so wise that all the energy has become light. So now the same energy that was creating confusion and moving in confusion is there no more; it has been absorbed. All confusion disappears; there is morning suddenly. And when darkness is too much -- remember that the morning is close. But you can escape.

Perfectly true, that's what I have been doing. You should be thankful for it to me.

Yes, that too is true... because, I know Swabhav. He is the rajas type -- too much activity. When he would come for the first times to see me he was full of energy, too much activity -- a rajas type. Now, meditation, understanding, is bringing his activity to a lower pitch, to a balancing state. A man of rajas will always feel, when he is becoming balanced, that he is becoming lethargic. This is his attitude. He will always feel that "where has his energy gone"; he has become lethargic. What is happening to him? He had come here to become a great warrior and to go and win the whole world, and all that I have been doing to him is bringing him back from too much activity, too much nonsense.

In the West you have a saying that the empty mind is the devi]'s workshop. That has been created by rajas people. It is not true, because the empty mind is God's workshop. The devil cannot function there, because in an empty mind the devil cannot enter at a]l. The devil can enter only in an active mind. So remember this: the rajas mind is the devil's workshop. Too much activity, then on your activity the devil can write.

You have seen two world wars. They have come from rajas people. In Europe, Germany belongs to the rajas type -- too much activity. In the East, Japan belongs to rajas people -- too much activity. And these two became the source of all the nonsense of the Second World War. Too much activity. Just think, Germany belonging to the tamas people, lethargic -- what can Adolf Hitler do? You tell them to turn to the right, and they are standing. You tell them to turn about; they are standing. In fact they will sit down I y that time and they will have gone to sleep. Adolf Hitler will look foolish amongst tamas people. He will look absolutely foolish in a sattvic society -- mad. People will get hold of him and treat him in a sattvic society. In a tamas society he will look just stupid, a nuisance. Hmm?... people are resting and you are unnecessarily moving with flags and slogans, and nobody follows you -- alone. But in Germany he became the leader. the Fuehrer, the greatest leader Germany had ever known, because the people were rajas.

Swabhav was a rajas type, a kshatriya type, ready to fight, always on edge to be angry; now he has slowed down, We was running one hundred m.p.h., and I have brought him down to ten m.p.h. of course he feels lethargic. This is not lethargy; this is just bringing your obsession with activity to a normal state because only from there the sattva will become possible; otherwise it will not become possible. You have to gain a balance between tamas and rajas, between lethargy and movement. You have to know how to rest and you have to know how to act.

It is always easy to rest completely; it is also easy to act completely. But to know these two opposite polarities and move in them and create a rhythm is difficult -- and that rhythm is sattva.

True.

Perfectly true. You have always been. Now you know it -- and that is the definition of a man who is not mad A madman can never know that he is mad. Go to the madhouse, inquire. No madman can say, "I am mad." Every madman believes that except him the whole world is mad -- that is the definition of madness. You can never come across a madman who says. "I am mad." If he has that much wisdom to say that he is mad, he is already a wise man; he is no longer mad. Madness never accepts. Mad people are very. very reluctant. Even to go to the doctor they are reluctant: they say, "Why? For what? Am I mad? There is no need -- I am perfectly right. You can go."

Mulla Nasrudin went to a psychiatrist and he said. "Now something must be done -- things have gone beyond me. My wife has gone completely mad, and she thinks that she has become a refrigerator."

Even the psychiatrist became alert. He had himself never come across such a case. He said, "That is serious. Tell me more about it."

He said, "Eh, there is nothing more to it. She has become a refrigerator; she believes she is a refrigerator."

The psychiatrist said, "But, if this is only a belief, there is no harm in it. It is innocent. Let her believe. She is not creating any other trouble?'' Nasrudin said, "Trouble? I cannot sleep at all because in the night she sleeps with her mouth open -- and because of the light in the refrigerator I cannot sleep!" Now who is mad? Mad people never think they are mad.

Swabhav, this is a blessing that you can think, "I am mad." This is the sane part within you which realizes it. Everybody is mad. The sooner you realize it, the better.

Good. Because when you become really alert it becomes difficult to feel trust. There are many stages. One stage, people feel doubt. Then they suppress the doubt because trust seems to be very promising: "Surrender, and you will attain everything." I go on promising you, "Surrender, and your enlightenment is certain." Trust seems to be very promising. Your greed is provoked -- you say, "Okay. Then we will trust and surrender." But this is not trust, this is greed -- and deep down you hide the doubt. You go on doubting -- by the side. You remain alert that trust is okay but don't trust too much because, who knows, this man may be after something, or just befooling, deceiving. So you trust, but you trust halfheartedly. And deep down is doubt.

When you meditate, when you become a little more understanding, when you listen to me continuously and I go on hammering from so many points of view, from so many sides -- I make many holes in your being. I go on hammering, breaking you down. I have to break your whole structure. I have to destructure you; only then can you be remade. There is no other way. I have to demolish you completely; only then a new structure is possible.

I go on destructuring; then, understanding arises -- flashes of understanding. In those flashes you will see that you don't even trust; the doubt is hidden there.

First, you doubt. Second, you trust with doubt hidden deep down. Third, you become aware of the hidden doubt and the trust -- and how can you both trust and doubt. You hesitate. you feel confused.

Now from this point two possibilities open: either you fall back to doubt, that is the first stage as you had come to me, or you grow into trust and drop all doubts.

This is a very, very liquid state. It can solidify in two ways: either on the lower rung where you are full of doubts again -- even the false trust has disappeared; or you grow into trust and the trust becomes a crystallization -- the suppressed part of doubt has disappeared. So this state is very, very vulnerable and one should move very cautiously and alertly.

There is nowhere to go when you have come to me. Now you can go anywhere, but you will have to come. To come to me is dangerous: then you can go anywhere, but everywhere I will haunt you. There is nowhere to go.

And nothing is to be done. Just be alert to the whole situation because if you start doing something, if you are hankering to do something, you will mess everything. Let it be as it is. Confusion is there, madness is there, trust has gone: just wait and watch and sit on the bank and let the river settle by itself. It settles on its own: you need not do anything. You have done enough -- now rest. Just watch and see how the river settles. It has become muddled; there is mud in it and dry leaves are floating on the surface -- don't jump into it! You are hankering to jump into it to do something so that the water can be made clean -- whatsoever you do you will make it more muddy. Please resist this temptation.

Remain on the bank, don't get into the river, and just be a watcher.

If you can watch without doing anything.... And that is the greatest temptation of the mind -- the mind says, "Do something: otherwise how are things going to change?" The mind says only with effort, with doing, can something be changed.

And that looks logical, appealing, convincing -- and it is absolutely wrong. You cannot do anything. You are the problem. And the more you do, the more you feel you are; the "I" becomes strengthened; the ego becomes strong. Don't do, just watch. Watching, the ego disappears. Doing, the ego strengthens. Be a witness.

Accept it -- don't fight it at all. What is wrong if confusion is there? Just a cloudy evening, clouds in the sky -- what is wrong? Enjoy it. Too much sun is also not good; sometimes clouds are needed. What is wrong in it? The morning is misty and you feel confused. What is wrong in it? Enjoy the mist also. Whatsoever the case, you watch. wait, and enjoy. Accept. If you can accept it, the very acceptance transmutes, the very acceptance transforms.

Soon you will see you are sitting there, the river has disappeared -- not only the mud, but the whole river -- the mist is no longer there, the clouds have disappeared, and the open sky, the vast space is available.

But patience will be needed. So if you insist,

I will say, "Do patience."

If you insist,

I will tell you "Come closer to me."