Re: Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait ‘til lunchtime!

(I can't find the continuation of the sketch on youtoob, it puts it all in context.)

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Hungarian: Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait 'til lunchtime. (points at clerk)

Cop: RIGHT!!! (drags Hungarian away by the arm)

Hungarian: (indignantly) My nipples explode with delight!

(scene switches to a courtroom. Characters are all in powdered wigs and judicial robes, except publisher and cop.)

Bailiff (Eric Idle): Call Alexander Yalt!

(voices sing out 'Call Alexander Yalt' several times)

Judge (Terry Jones): Oh, shut up!

Bailiff: (to publisher) You are Alexander Yalt?

Publisher (Michael Palin): (in a sing-songy voice) Oh, I am.

Bailiff: Skip the impersonations. You are Alexander Yalt?

Publisher: I am.

Bailiff: You are hereby charged that on the 28th day of May, 1970, you did willfully, unlawfully, and with malice of forethought, publish an alleged English-Hungarian phrase book with intent to cause a breach of the peace. How do you plead?

Publisher: Not guilty.

Bailiff: You live at 46 Horton Terrace?

Publisher: I do live at 46 Horton terrace.

Bailiff: You are the director of a publishing company?

Publisher: I am the director of a publishing company.

Bailiff: Your company publishes phrase books?

Publisher: My company does publish phrase books.

Bailiff: You did say 46 Horton Terrace, did you?

Publisher: Yes.

Bailiff: (strikes a gong) Ah! Got him!

(lawyer and cop applaud, laugh)

Judge: Get on with it, get on with it.

Bailiff: Yes M'Lud. On the 28th day of May, you published this phrase book?

Publisher: I did.

Bailiff: I quote an example. The Hungarian phrase meaning "Can you direct me to the station?" is translated by the English phrase, "Please fondle my bum."

Publisher: I wish to plead incompetence.

Cop: (stands) Please may I ask for an adjournment, m'lord?

Judge: An adjournment? Certainly not!

(the cop sits down again, emitting perhaps the longest and loudest release of bodily gas in the history of the universe.)

Judge: Why on earth didn't you say WHY you wanted an adjournment?

Cop: I didn't know an acceptable legal phrase, m'lord.

(cut to stock footage of old women applauding)

Judge: (banging + swinging gavel) If there's any more stock film of women applauding, I shall clear the court.





Continue to the next sketch... The Communist Quiz (World Forum)