it could also be spiritual 2

i praise God that He's given me a job of higher position, like i never stopped working. and in a different place which enable me to somehow start anew with less shame than i'd have felt. getting a job overseas with long employment gap is a miracle for me. it's impossible without God. and it was after wrestling with Him by fasting, asking Him how could i continue to live if He doesn't give me work to earn money to buy food. I also didnt feel like eating anymore. How could I eat without the ability to buy food. So yes, God still does answer prayers. actually i got the email from HR on my 3rd day of fasting (i only managed 3.5 days). and that was after 2 years from sending my application. and it was not coincidence bcos it was not the first time God rescued me. there was also that time during my backsliding and running away from God that i was so miserable having no job (sis also resigned) and in my desperation, i cried out to God even in anger, somewhat challenging Him if He still care about me, give me a job and He answered immediately. i got a call from HR the evening of the same day.

There are instances in my life where I could clearly see God's fingerprints. But why is it that He has answered some of my other prayers but not on this one thing which i think i really need to live. I dont really know. but one thing ive learned is to trust God even on this. and that i have to surrender and give up my will to Him even on this. of course my will is to heal and to heal instantly. it's the one thing i didn't want to yield to God and was holding back from God. it's the exception i made. guess because i love my self and didnt want to continue losing face. but what can i do it's been so many years already and whatever i do, whatever i tell God, however i think about it, i couldn't really force God to heal me. so ive learned to accept. ive learned to recognize His sovereignty, that He is God even of my body, He is God of the whole of me, of my life.

in the present, i still cry, i still have bad days, people still laugh at me, i still come home dejected sometimes but there are also days which are ok. there are days which i manage to survive even when it means limiting my movement. i am just thankful i have a job, i am living in a place where i don't smell alone. yes i dont smell alone here but it feels like people are singling me out in backbiting/laughing or maybe i just feel that way. so i'm still in pain but there are things i'm thankful for. i'm struck down but not destroyed, persecuted but not forsaken (2Cor 4:7-12), in raging waters but not drowned, on fire but not burned, only because of God.

i dont really know why but i think i have a glimpse of why God has allowed this illness to happen to me. one time in our office, a person (a superior) who has been persecuting and backbiting me bc of my condition did something that provoked me. and i talked back, and this was after the longest time of her and her colleagues laughing at me which i just endured and pretended not to hear. then a few days after i talked back, my pits started smelling like onions again for 2 days and on the third day, it's not just my pits but my whole body or my clothes. smelling like onions embarassed me the most cos it singled me out. while other smells dont cos my colleagues of other races also have natural odor that smell bad to me even too bad sometimes it also makes me sick. then the onion smell stopped after i asked God for forgiveness. because this was during the time when i told my colleagues about loving our enemies. and God was teaching me about submitting to authorities even when they're bad as long as they don't instruct me to commit a sin against God. also, such incident reminded me of who my real enemies are. that instance was a trap from hell and i fell for it so i'd given the devil a foothold. the Bible says that our warfare is not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces. they are the evil spirits operating behind my persecutors. i'd be lying if i'd say i dont feel angry or hurt by those people, i still do sometimes. what i do is i try my best to ignore them, dont listen to them, steer clear of them and i believe on the keeping power of the Holy Spirit. i pray the God softens my heart towards them.

that incident has strengthened my belief that my condition is spiritual. in my case, God has allowed this to happen to me to humble me, strip me of my self-righteousness and teach me His ways. Thru all these, i could honestly say, though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him.
And i also fully believe that though He slay me, He would also raise me from the dead. Yes, as He healed me of bromhidrosis, i also believe that He'll heal me of other smell-related problems and set me free.

Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil and to set the captives free.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Jn 10:10

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Gal 5:1

Before, i'd hesitate to quote Bible verses cos i thought i need to cover up for God, in case it doesn't become a reality. But that was lack of faith on my part, unbelief on the truthfulness of His words, unbelief on His faithfulness, on the goodness of His character. Now I realize I don't have to cover for God. He can protect His own Name. It's His words, for sure they will not come back to Him void.














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