Reflections on life............

Reflections on life


I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.
People move out of the way much faster now!



Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their


mothers. Now many of them drink like their fathers.



I didn't make it to the gym today.

That makes five years in a row.



I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and
renamed it the Jim.


I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.



Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
We haven't met yet.



I don't need anger management. I need people to stop
irritating me!



Old age is coming at a really bad time!



When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment...
now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!



The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need
to write that down, I'll remember it."



My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of
idiots that needs work.



If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them
on my knees.



The grand-kids text me "plz" which is shorter than
please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes."



I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure
what I'll do the second year.



Even duct tape can't fix “stupid”... but it can
muffle the sound!



Why do I have to press one for English

when you're just gonna transfer me

to someone I can't understand anyway?



Of course I talk to myself,

sometimes I need expert advice Tweet