Inspired by the Circle

I go to a meditation circle. Tonight the topic was judgements. There is much talk of the law of allowance and letting go of judgements. There is also much encouragement of people to stop being victims. Apparently some people think you cannot make a judgement, without being a victim. But that means they are the biggest victims of all because they are judging judgements. I am always advocating and defending victims and telling people not to judge them. Tonight I wanted to say~

That in a community where everyone agrees there is nothing to forgive and there is no judgement, as non-violent communication teaches, there is room for people to jackal and/or have a pity party and get empathy. Everybody sits back and enjoys the show because they listen without judgement. They don’t judge people as victims because someone is frustrated and desperately seeking to collaborate with others to make the world a better place.

When there is nothing to forgive, everybody is on the same page about making sure that everybody’s needs get met, because the foundation of the community is that nobody can get their own needs met at the expense of anyone else’s. And when people are frustrated with situations that desperately need improvement, they also desperately need a nonjudgmental community that can hold space and listen and give empathy, and help them shift into strategizing to co-create something better. In NVC, jackaling and pity parties are seen as entertaining, informative and inspiring because they result in creative ideas and solutions.

There is also such a thing as protective use of force. And Marshall Rosenberg says, “Don’t do anything that isn’t play!” Welcoming a hissy fit and giving empathy is a choice. It is like going to the movies. People can also hold off for a better time if there is something else more urgent that needs to be addressed. And they will never feel judged as a victim. Calling people a victim is manipulation. It is also controlling. It says to gut up and take it if you can’t figure out what you are doing to create it. And most social solutions require collaboration. The karmic cycle is a spiral. The wheel makes a circle. When the circle is complete, the next turn of the wheel will either be up, or down. Pessimists expect it to go down. Optimists expect it to go up. But ultimately the collective action will determine whether it will go up or down. Shaming people and calling them names like “victim” is a form of suppression. The message is, “I am not interested in helping you strategize and co-create anything better. I don’t want to hear about this. You are own your own. You created it. You are responsible for it. You deserve it.

Jesus most certainly did not deserve to die on the cross.

And most of the tragic events that happen in this world are occurring because there is a lack of awareness. Putting rose colored glasses on and pretending that everything is wonderful, and calling everybody a victim if they aren’t wearing rose colored glasses too, does not further the aim of collectively being determined to make sure the next turn of the wheel is upward to a more highly refined dimension. People who are not aware that they are being perceived as victims, need to be made aware of what they seem like to others. People who know they look and sound like a victim, because they’ve identified a problem area, need empathy and collaboration because they are simply at a loss for how to improve the situation without making others aware of what is happening.

There is a difference between trying to glean sympathy and manipulate people or the government into doing things for you so you can go skating, and needing the empathy and collaboration of a community. Tweet