victim shmictim rant

Accusing people of victim consciousness seems to be a very popular meme these days, but please don't buy into it….

People are using the term "victim consciousness" in an effort to quell others into accepting their lot in life more cheerfully, because they do not have any interest in hearing about a particular issue. I can understand if someone is too busy or distracted with other things. And I always appreciate anyone who asks me if I have a positive doable specific request.

But accusing people of being stuck in victim-consciousness as a convenient way of negating the validity of other's concerns and avoid sharing the responsibility of co-resolving troublesome societal issues is inherently manipulative and dishonest.

Those with enough energy to protest something have not waved a white flag of surrender and agreed to become victims. They are still standing up for the truth and believe it will make them free. It would be more honest if people would just say, "I/we do not have the time, interest, nor inclination to invest attention in that matter right now, or ever again!"

It is much easier to appreciate people who can be honest in such a manner than those who hurl accusations and indulge in name-calling, which is an insult to anyone inspired and courageous enough to call for positive changes in the world and attempt to enlist others in helping make life better in general.

I am inspired to rant about this because I have been surprised a lot lately at how frequently people are accusing others of being victims. My therapists have always praised me for being such a strong survivor, so the shoe has never fit me. I don't grok it. Nor would I want to. Seems to me it takes a victim to see a victim. And isn’t me who is going around accusing people of being victims. Those who can spot them, must be projecting it. If victimhood, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, the real victim is the one who is beholding it.

An important question then is, "Why are the accusers feeling like victims when they are judging others and calling them victims?"

Perhaps they are overwhelmed by the intensity of another person's passion about an issue. Perhaps they feel inadequate to be of any assistance, and they do not wish to hear about it any more, because their feelings of inadequacy are becoming uncomfortable. Perhaps they sense pressure to do something about an issue that pales in comparison to their own concerns.

All are good reasons for those accused of being stuck in victim consciousness to have compassion and understanding for the spotters who are projecting it. That is especially so if what they are really saying is, "Please don't talk about that because I feel overwhelmed when you do." It doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about it, however. Indeed, refraining from doing so strengthens the defense mechanism and empowers the status quo.

It just means that you are more likely to get the help you need, if you stop and give them some empathy first. Ask them questions to find out what their concerns are. Offer to help if you can. You are more likely to win friends, make allies and gain assistance from others who know you care enough to reciprocate.