I feel completely and utterly devastated as I sit here typing this.
It first started back in 2006 with Accutane, then Lexapro (c/t), then Celexa (rapid tapered), then Xanax (with a c/t), corticosteroids, Ativan, Prozac, Valium... been skipped from one drug to the next after the adverse, psychotic effect of Accutane when I was 19.
Since then, I've had chronic disabling anxiety, depression, cognitive fog, DP/DR, feelings of being ill, weak, exhausted, Chronic-Fatigue-Syndrome symptoms... I've been living at 30% for almost 8 years and haven't been able to exercise in 5 years. Haven't been able to run, jump, weightlift, play sports (when my entire life revolved around that for years). I've had trouble maintaining any of my former friendships due to how sick I've been, especially the past 2-3 years, when benzos came in the picture. Haven't dated in 5 years.
I don't know how I can do this anymore. I'm barely halfway through my benzo taper... have no idea how long that is going to last... and then I have to taper a corticosteroid that I was put on 3 years ago... and then 30mg of Prozac.
I really feel... what's the point? Years more of tapering and then hoping my body goes back to where it was? That I'll be able to actually be ME again... without having to fear functioning in life everyday like I have been for the past near decade.
Anyways, I needed to rant. My whole 20's have been taken up by sickness and chronic ill physical/mental health when I was previously healthy and could eat what I wanted, do what I wanted, and felt joy and happiness with my life.
Seriously, if anyone can relate.. please post here. I'm sick of going to bed and waking up to this same BS everyday. I look around, see everybody interacting, smiling, doing what they want and being independent... when I have all the tools but I'm stuck in a broken body... living at home with my parents and trying to get well as I attempt to finish school and work... (No idea how at this point as benzo w/d is severe)