I think I was abused, but I can't remember

I think that you're talking about childhood trauma, abuse, and several addictions.  It's okay - these things can certainly be managed.

I would strongly suggest that you seek a counseling therapist that specializes in trauma.  Sometimes, traumatic childhoods can result in a variety of issues that are based, solely, upon the family dysfuctions.  And, it's not uncommon for children exposed to graphic p 0 r n to experience serious relationship issues.  "p 0 r n" does not reflect "normal" or "healthy" relationships, and a child's psyche is simply not mature enough to process the graphic visual imagery - even adults have a hard time separating the imagery from reality.

So, keep working at it and give yourself plenty of time and patience - and, TIME being the main thing.  It can sometimes take years to process through childhood traumas because they are so deeply buried within our memories.

Best wishes to you.......