I dont know how I got here

I AM a 26 year old female who has an issue with Body Odor . Every time I walk into a room, I notice people instantly have the sniffles. People rub their noses, cough and shift and move around. I often get stares and dirty looks as if I am a Bum, and it kills me every day. I suffer every day. I cry almost every day, and I am sick and tired of this. I have contemplated suicide many times, but I never can chalk up the nerve to do it. I isolate myself, and I lost a lot of friendships and relationships because of my insecurity. Sometimes people tell me I smell good, and then other times I just get the stares and the sniffles. So I guess it is an on and off thing. I am young, and I want to do things that young adults do. I do t go to restaurants, often, I definitely do not go to night clubs or party's. If someone wants my company, I entertain them at my house so that I can have my hygiene under full control. This is ruining my life, and I hate myself for having this. What did I do to deserve this. I don't even know if I have tmau, but it is the only thing that seems to make sense. Every week I dread going to class. The women in my lab class stare at me, and they look at me with dirty looks and it's heartbreaking. I want to curl up in a ball and just die sometimes. I have tried body mint, hibiclens and they worked ok, but I can't smell myself so I don't know when I stink or smell good. Or if I even stink at all. I ask close people to me, and they say I am crazy. I need help, maybe a psychologist. I tried going to a therapist and when I talked about it with her, she looked at me like I was crazy too. I hate this lifestyle and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Sometimes I just want to end it all, and some days I just want to check myself into a mental institution. I've never wrote this emotions or feeling out, and I've never told anyone why I am a house person. So I bear it all here, he'll I have nothing to lose...I am hopeless Tweet