Re: My brothers in the hospital again....

Dear yemaya,

Oh my heart wrenched when I read your story. I am all too familiar with this sort of thing, both from being the person who is put in the mental hospital against their will, and also from the persepctive of having someone I care about (my husband) have a complete psychotic break from reality. More than once.

He had gotten lost and beaten up (the cops found him and pulled me over while I was driving, crying, looking for him), and his finger was broken and was swelling up over his wedding band - I thought if I didn't get him to the ER he would lose his finger. He refused to go into the ER because he thought he was a spy and that the government was after him (no, he was not on drugs - this was a complete bipolar psychosis). And the ER staff would not help me get him in. He then ran away from me and me and the cops searched for hours but couldn't find him. I thought he was dead - i was so scared and so upset that I couldn't help him.

I am sharing this with you because I really want you to know that I know how it feels - the knowledge that you CAN help someone but they won't let you.

It is very very very frustrating. You think to yourself, "if they only...." did this or that thing they would be better.

The hardest lesson I had to learn was to honor the other person's Life Plan. Sometimes, before we are born, we write into our lives some key points. Sometimes they are not even meant to be changed. who was I to judge that I knew what was "best" for him? How would I feel if *I* went to the hospital and they forced me to do things to my body I didn't want to? So then I shouldn't be the bad guy and try to force things on HIM, either.

Let me tell you it took me months if not years to get to even the smallest level of acceptance about my husband, who will not do antyhing about his problem. I was in agony - here I was, curing my OWN mental illnesses (anxiety, depression) and of course since I now "knew the answer" I was trying so hard to do anything I could to get him to do the same thing I did. I finally accepted that this was not the way. it was an agonizing conclusion.

I have had to decide to love him for who he is, NO MATTER WHAT. This has made our lives 1000 percent better, oddly enough. Why? He now feels safe around me. He likes that I respect his decision. AND< he has been more open to new things. So, first I had to let go, and then things started to get better.

Your brother, let me just say it is scary to be 5150'd. It is scary to have all these people claiming they know what's best for you and they are not only wrong, they make it WORSE (I am not talking about you, but western medecine, but he is not sane enough to differentiate between the two probably). I was 5150'd, and all it did was make me 10 times more crazy than I already was, and guess what - I was prefectly sane to begin with. So your brother needs most right now your loving support and reasurance and to trust you and trust that you are on his side - otherwise, you would be seeming like all the other people there who want him to take meds and do this or that.

LOVE him. I know you do already, but this should be the prime objective. Come to acceptance that his life is out of your hands. Banish the phrase "if only" from your vocabulary. he must walk his path no matter how wrong or bad you think it is.

I know how hard this is, I will pray so much for both of you. You are very strong and loving, I know. I'm sorry if my post didn't make sense but this stuff is really hard for me to talk about.

Blessings,

Ali

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