The Desire to Live – The Desire to Die – What Lay Between

Desire is what brought us here – the desire to live & experience a physical life. But there comes a time when we realize that there is more to this life than what we can see, feel or touch... Something that we can’t quite put a finger on. Something more... than what is available by what the 5 senses can see, feel or taste. It is first felt so subtly... at one time or another... but then it hovers over like a dark cloud... then the weight becomes more distinct... we feel separate & out of place.

It can hit you like a freight train, when you least expect it. Attempts are made to cover it over, but still it lingers there. You can feel it growing inside – because of frustration, like a feeling of being stuck – a desire to be some other place, the need to find another space to move to... perhaps, another time. When life is found to be too over-whelming, or not whelming-up enough… when it has all become just too too much to take, there comes a strong desire to leave, the desire to move away - it rises from the deep depths within – the desire to die.

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYAJLX-FDHU

Freud, in his old age, stumbled upon a new thing of which he had never dreamed. For his whole life he worked on “libido” – the desire to live. He based his whole structure of thinking on this force of libido – this sex, this desire for life – and in the end he stumbled upon a second desire. The first desire he calls “Eros” and the second he calls “Thanatos”. Thanatos means death-wish, a desire to die.

Freud began to feel that if there is no desire to die, how can a man die? There must be hidden somewhere a desire to die; otherwise, biologists say that the body itself can continue – even forever. There is no necessary reason why a man should die so soon, because the body has a built-in process to renew itself. It can continue renewing – but there are many things....

The body is born because of some desire to live. And really, Freud is right – a second desire is needed to complete the circle and provide a balance. A desire must lay hidden there, there must also be a desire to die. That death-desire helps one to die, and the life-desire helps one to be reborn. That death-desire comes many times to everyone. Many times one can become suddenly aware of it. Whenever one comes across a time of becoming deeply frustrated, such as in the case of having lost a lover or beloved, suddenly the death-desire comes up and is revealed – not because one has become desireless, but because the most longed-for desire in living has seemingly now become impossible. One feels to have had enough of life, unveiling the hidden desire to die.

It is very easy to change the desire from life to death. It is very easy, because life and death are not just two things – they are two aspects of one phenomenon, therefore, they can be ex-changed. It happens that the people who commit suicide are really those who are very, very deeply attached to life. Because they are so much attached to life, whenever they are so deeply frustrated they cannot do anything else but commit suicide.

A person who is not too much attached to life cannot commit suicide. At least, they cannot be so easily seen to commit suicide – because suicides can be committed in two ways: they can be long-term or they can be short-term. One can take poison just now, or can go on dying slowly for many years. One can get into drinking alcohol – become an alcoholic, get into drugs, can get into smoke. One can go quickly or can do it slow. It all depends how much courage one has…

So - This life is bound with desires. The more desires you have, the more you will have the feeling of this life. That’s why those who are after desires, running and running, seem to be very much more alive; they seem to be onto something or other, one would typically say they are very much alive. But are they?

Some would say: “What are you doing? Why are you not running. Run! Everyone is running and everyone is so alive – going somewhere! Are you just dead? What is wrong with you?”

But then, there is yet another life… a greater, deeper, more vital, more immediate and direct life. There is a Sanskrit word for it , aparokshanubhuti – immediate experiencing. ‘God’, the Ultimate Truth, the Essence of Life, must be seen, but not by eyes. It must be heard, but not by ears. It must be embraced, but not by hands, not by the body… But how can it happen?

Sometimes, it is only realized accidentally. One comes to a point in living life, when the misery of it becomes too much, the frustration of living life brings one to the point of suicide… when enough is enough! When you’re ready to give all up!

People you think you know, they think you have gone insane. No where to go… nowhere to find peace… nobody can help… …the intellect can provide no answer, and suddenly… the mind stops momentarily… then a door opens… and, as if the bottom drops out… and one stumbles upon the real treasure… you find it has nothing to do with thinking, emotions or feelings. These things are not who you are…

Usually, we know only one dimension of Life – one that desires Life and Death. But there is another dimension – one that is without desire – a desireless Liberation. If we become aware of the very mechanism of desire, a gap can be created, and the moment the gap is created. Then life begins to move into another dimension, into a different kind of Life. And everything changes…
TITLE IMAGE SOURCE

posted by turiya