Re: "Difficult" child?

When I read stories like this my first thought is WHY? Why is the kid like this? What has happened to this kid from birth until the kid is misbehaving and why hasn't anyone intervened during those years to help the kid do better? It's interesting and very disturbing that seldom do we see an accounting of the years between 0 and, say, 6 where most of the kid's behaviors and patterns are formed and where the parents or caregivers of this "Difficult" kid have had the most influence on the difficult kid's life.
Based on my experiences as a child, not a parent, I KNOW that a "difficult" kid is most likely the victim of "difficult" and inadequate parenting. All three of us kids were different from each other but what we all had in common was BAD PARENTING! If one of us was particularly "difficult", it had more to do with bad and inadequate parenting than any other factor including so-called genetic flaws. I can say these things because I am not a parent and am under no obligation to defend or minimize parenting in favor of blaming everything on genetics or a "difficult" child. Our parents were the DIFFICULT ones and their bad or flawed minds and behavior caused us kids a lot of terrible problems which most adults would say was a fault or failing IN THE KIDS - not their (perfect) parents.

So back to why this kid is so difficult.......
re: So, you know something isn't right about your child.
>> When do you "know" this? At what age and are you at least a little bit interested in understanding WHY? Where have you been all this time that you have finally noticed something is not right with your kid?

re: They throw tantrums, threaten your safety, harm their siblings, act out in classrooms and in public.
>> Where have you been during the time when this bad behavior was being formed? They throw tantrums because someone has failed to help them learn better and more friendly ways to ask for what they want! They threaten your safety and harm their siblings for the very same reason - NO ONE has bothered to teach and train them to be kinder and loving from day one of their lives! WHY?

Why have you failed to notice this bad behavior back when you could have done something to HELP your difficult child perform better? Your difficult child really a SPOILED child who is really the VICTIM of very inadequate parenting.

re: Your proverbial hands are tied.
>> That's a blatant LIE, IMO. You are the parent and the most powerful person in your own family so don't whine about your "tied hands"! My parents never had tied hands - they had inadequate minds!

re: If you implement corporal punishment, you're a "bad" parent for inflicting violence upon your child.
>> And that explains why your difficult child abuses you and their siblings! Your punishments have induced a state of deep anger and rage in your difficult child.

re: If you set boundaries and consequences, it's tedious to stay on top of the issues.

>> It's only "tedious" for inadequate, lazy, indifferent, detached parents which is exactly why this kid is so out of control - little or no parental guidance and connection.

re: If you do nothing, you know that they're not going to "grow out of it."
>> But an adequate parent would make the effort to DO SOMETHING instead of all the hopelessly inadequate parenting that has led up to the difficult kid's behaviors so far.

re: Notes from the school, calls from parents, and now your child is a defendant on the Juvenile Court docket for shoplifting? When does it END?!
>> It ends when an inadequate parent, such as I had, finally gets honest enough to admit that they, not their kid, are the problem and sets about to CORRECT their bad, damaging and inadequate parenting BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. It ends when a parent learns how to be a good parent.
Bad parenting is the problem - not bad kids! Tweet