Hi Hanna, I've been extremely fortunate...it's taken me many years to come to see that, in wholeness; to see past this good fortune -- look back and to laugh at my own dogged intensity. as it were.
Curious thing too--So many beloved teachers I feel very close to, once they pass. The dense veils of time/place/whatever fall way. Something about this world makes me 'fall into it' and get nervous, contracted, or otherwise overwhelmed often.
But I am learning--rapidly of late--(as I am guessing many are) and feeling greatly blessed and humbled!