Further discusion

The benefit and purpose of "No Contact" is to put and end to the madness and to take back control of our own lives, thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Technological "contact" with the toxic person is a self-inflicted injury when we choose to view their online social profiles and posts after we have discovered that the person in question has deliberately caused harm.  Certainly, the toxic individual isn't going to post anything truthful, and playing out the aspects of one's life through technological means is causing human beings to literally lose their ability to communicate, effectively, even in the best of circumstances.

Think about this:  how many times have the hundreds of "friends" posted anything personal and uplifting to your personal profile page?  Seriously....nobody really cares whether or not you've just had delicious coffee or struck a moose in your vehicle on the way to work.  They really don't.  So, why would anyone care about the collapse of a toxic romantic or platonic relationship? 

Maintaining "No Contact" is sort of like cutting a lure from a fishing line.  Contact is the only way that a toxic person can maintain their control and continue to inflict damages.  Teenaged bullies conduct online harassment through social media simply because they can.  Adult stalkers are able to use technological means to track and terrify their targets because they can.  Predatory individuals can bait, lure, and ensnare unwitting victims through technological dialogue because they can.  In "Real Life," the majority of these toxic people wouldn't ever be able to perpetrate their machinations.  Online Life allows for a whole new brand of toxic interactions that haven't even been identified by the psychological community, yet.

"But, Soulful, the toxic person is a family member!  They're family, and I need them!"  No, we do not, under any circumstances, "need" anyone in our lives who deliberately, intentionally, and maliciously cause us emotional or physical harm.  We don't "need" their approval, acceptance, or validation.  "Family" is not precluded by shared DNA.  "Family" are those people that surround us who are positive, encouraging, honest, and truthful.  "Family" are people who respect our boundaries and do not maintain an agenda to harm.

"But, Soulful, I have children with the toxic person and the Court requires us to work together for the sakes of the children.  How do I maintain NC if I have to share custody with this person?"  Unfortunately, Family Courts are not concerned about anyone's best interests, and that included the best interests of children.  A child does not require both parents to develop into healthy, productive adults if one of those parents is toxic and abusive.  The Courts do not acknowledge this fact, sadly, and the only way to "co-parent" with a sociopath or abusive ex is to keep any and all communications as boring and superficial as humanly possible.  Telling the toxic ex about the child's illness or needs (emotional, or otherwise) is a waste of oxygen, because the toxic parent does not care, never did care, and never will care.  Keeping communications to a bare minimum and as superficial as possible prevents the toxic parent from acquiring information that they could use to inflict more harm..  "No Contact" must be practiced with these children, as well - no discussion of what their mother or father has done!  Do not include the children in adult issues that they are not developed or mature enough to process.  Disallow - firmly, and consistently - any "messenger services" that the toxic person may employ the children to communicate.  Disallow it.  YOU are the parent, and YOU set the boundaries.

If you're having a hard time severing a toxic relationship, it would be a very wise choice to seek counseling therapy with someone that "gets it."  Human beings are equipped to manage a host of tragedies and catastrophes:  sudden and unexpected passing of a loved one;  natural disaster;  random acts of violence by strangers.  Yes, all of these events can cause extreme anxiety, but we can point at the event and say, "See this?  This is why I'm experiencing PSTD symptoms."  Damages inflicted by toxic people are a completely different matter.  These damages have been inflicted by someone that we trusted and loved, whether this person was a spouse, domestic partner, parent, sibling, coworker, friend, clergy member, etc.  This type of damage causes extreme personal issues that we are simply not equipped to manage. 

NO CONTACT is the first and most powerful step in recovering from a toxic relationship. 

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