Does this sound like a sociopath? I'm going crazy doubting myself!
I started a 'relationship' with a guy from work after he spent two years pursuing me, following me, building up conmections, things in common and literally charming me off my feet. He is married which doesnt help.
I always knew he liked being around the ladies, he always said so quite glibly.
I also noticed that he had been very 'close' to someone else at work before me, and at first I suspected his motives towards me as he seemed to be playing she and I off against each other. Eventually she left the job, his attention was soley on me and i allowed myself to fall for his charm.
At first it was very intense, obsessive and he was besotted with me, telling me he saw me as a goddess, beautiful, too good for him, he always needed reassurance that he was perfect for me.
Aound the same time that we got together, I also noticed he seemd to be showing the same interest in another woman at work, but his constant praising, adoration and obsessiveness made me doubt my own gut instinct.
This went on for around four mmonths before I started to really suspect there was something between them, he was clever, she and I worked opposite each other, different shifts, etc, but on a few occasions I would get texts asking "are you at work", just that, not his usual over the top words of adoration, which was the normal everyday habit.
I began to notice a pattern.
Eventually, after a few months of confusion, suspicion and doubt, I actually came across proof that there was definitely somthing between them.
However, when I confronted him about it, he went into such an unbelivable denial, shaking me by the shoulders, his eyes werent quite normal, and his actual words were " You know it's not true, you trust me, I trust you so much" I knew he was lying, but his show of total disbelief had me doubting myself again.
I told him not to contact me again, never to touch me,to stop watching me and following me around, I actually felt he was doing it all to cover up what he had with her anyway.
He answered with "I cant stop watching you" "I will still watch you, I cant take my eyes off you"
I deleted his number, told him to do the same, he refused, and within ten minutes of him leaving me I received a text saying " My wife has gone mad because I'm late home" He had totally left out all details of the conversation we had just had as if it never happened, and then projected blame onto me for his trouble! I didnt reply.
The next day, all he was bothered about was where this proof had come from, he had no concern for how I felt, and completely denied any wrongdoing on his own part. I told him I had proof, what it was, etc, he told me I was so wrong and I couldnt do this TO HIM!! I walked away only for him to follow me and tell me all about his very ill mother!!!! I dismissed his declaration as something I could not advise him on and asked him to leave me alone, he did, and has never mentioned his other since!
over the following weeks, Ive had several texts, sentences,explanations which have not felt right, he is constantly bombarding me with declarations of love and adoration, and his timings have all changed to the point that I know he is texting her as well as me.
I have caught him out in so many blatant lies, but when I do bring it up, he changes the subject completely wiping out the conversation.
It is totally obvious to me that he is seeing this other woman or at least messing her about as well. I also feel that she is probably going through the same thing with him, but neither of us dare talk to each other about it. He has charmed us both completely.
I have watched him delete my number at my request, only to have him contact me half hour later with " I cant live without you, I know how much you love me, the same as I do you, I know you could have anyone but I want it to be me who you love, and love being with, you are the love of my life, best friend"
I've got to the point where I'm starting to feel pity for him, yet I love him so much, I want to believe him, and understand why he is this way.
I feel like he is playing games with me constantly,he needs my adoration and attention all the time, is scared to death of me rejecting him, but everything has to be on HIS terms, he will often tell me his wife nags him all the time, then tell me he can't see me for a while because she is watching him.
Everything that happens is someone else's fault, he never admits to anything, only blames others for his own mistakes.
I know he didn't do very well at school, he says he was bullied, and his first wife left him for another man,affecting him badly. I dont know if these things are true, he is very secretive, but now and then he tells me something which is a deep dark secret.
He has a problem with any authority, and often talks about other people's bad points, only to appear over the top friendly with them another time, he does not like other men around him, it's as though they are a threat to him.
When I asked him about his friendship with the first woman, he denied it saying, no she is a lesbian! I know she is not!
I have caught him out in yet another lie today, questioned him on it, only to have him text me with normal conversation, like it didn't happen.
It is so damn frustrating, he just blanks it all out.
He also has this way of staring at me, like he is trying to convince me of something, then another time his pupils dilate to the full size of his eyes eg, when I confront him, or when I think he is excited.
Does this sound like a sociopath, or am I being very paranoid? I have a very good instinct normally about people, but this guy has me baffled and questioning my own instincts.
As soon as I move away from him, he pulls me back, talks as though nothing has happened, it is literally as if what I just said to him has been erased!!
He has something wrong with him every day, a headache, backache, a bad leg, anything!!
I'm always left feeling sorry for him, that I can't question him, or confront him, I am actually being sarcastic with him most of the time, and he just ignores it!!
P.S. he is also territorial, obsessive, jealous, suspicious, evasive,needs to be touching me constantly, repetitive,( words in his his texts) I can expect him at the same times, by the clock, if that changes, then I know itss to suit someone else's schedule! He actually sits in front of me staring at me whilst I'm working.
Constant flattery and praise, then all of a sudden, a comment which doesnt ring right, such as always saying I have beautiful perfect body, and then all of a sudden, he will call me skinny or bony! am I good enough for you, you are stunning, I'm not, needs constant reassurance.
Asks me all the time, do you really love me, then says I know how much YOU LOVE ME?,
Always over the top with compliments about the way I dress and then another time he will say quite rudely, " what are you wearing"
It's very confusing, I find I am analysing every word and every text from him, and don't actually believe a word he says to me.
I asked him recently to refer to me by name instead of generic nicknames, asn now, every other sentence in his texts have my anme in them, which is actually becoming quite sickly!!
I am worn down with it.
I'm going nuts with this.
What do you readers think?