Lets Climb Trees and Make Out!

I am 5'10" White, attractive, in my 30's,single,drug/disease/drama free. I am real gentleman and I am not batsh!t crazy!. I am looking for a cutie who is HWP and lives in the Monroe/Charlotte area in North Carolina, USA.
A little about me...

I'm awesome...no seriously I am. I'm about 60% awesome, 40% sexy, and 20% ninja monkey. What's that? You're saying that you think I'm conceited, can't do math, and have no clue what a ninja monkey is? Well screw you then!! Let me tell you about some of the things that make me awesome...

I can bake 30 minute brownies in 25 minutes. I give real hugs instead of those wimpy A-frame things people try to pass off as hugs. I have a great job that I love very much. I have never been high on any drug. I know how to recite the number pi up to 16 digits from a sheet of paper. I will never pass gas in front of you. Not even if we were married for forty years. I know that the tooth fairy does not exist. I will ask you tough questions that are hard to answer. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear "I have a Swanson tv dinner in the freezer with your name on it" and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with Welch's grape juice and thoroughly seduce you....