Agoraphobic, social phobic, dangerously obese, excuses?

I just want to walk around my block and get some exercise. But I don't want anyone to see me. I'm trying to lose weight and I've lost around 40 lbs so far. The weight makes it harder to convince myself to get out the door but I need to get out the door to get the weight off!

My issues go back to social anxiety in elementary school, Depression starting around puberty. I had my first full blown panic attack at 14 or 15. I've been depressed to varying degrees my entire adult life. I don't work; I live with my mother. I'm 35. I was married but he left me as my agoraphobia became more severe.

I have an antidepressant that I take daily and an anti-anxiety medication that I take on rare occasions. I'm scared of becoming addicted to the anti-anxiety drug so I use it only in the worst panic attacks.

I really don't know what to do. I'm getting some exercise indoors but I really need a treadmill if I'm to progress, or just to find a way to force myself to go walking outdoors!

I know I should seek counseling but I'm in an isolated rural area with transportation difficulties. Here's where the excuses and justifications come in. *sigh* There is public transportation to the city but I'm too scared to take the bus alone. My mother can't take me to therapy. My sister could but I don't want to be a burden on her. She already has to take me too many places as it is.

Also I have to admit that I'm terrified of therapy because I'm afraid of the things I'll be required to do to get well. I'm afraid that once I commit to getting therapy to cure my agoraphobia I will be locked into a treatment plan that might overwhelm me by pushing me too far too fast.

Meanwhile my life is steadily passing me by... Tweet