Re: Well, can't get anymore lonely than this.

I'm sorry that I didn't notice this earlier. I hope that you come back to this thread and read my post.

First of all, don't assume that most people have friends from childhood that carried over into adulthood. I can honestly say that the only friend from my younger days that I still hear from is one of my college roommates. I think that the older generations seemed to be better at keeping life long friends. For example, my parents came from the so-called "greatest generation" and both had life long friends. What is surprising about my parents is that my mother was a narcissist and an alcoholic who didn't always treat people well yet she had friends who went the distance.

I have some theories as to why people in the past were able to make and maintain life long friendships. First of all, people were less transient then. They tended to spend their whole lives within a short radius from where they grew up. Plus if they did move away, they were more committed to writing letters and making the occasional long distance call. When you think about it, today we have texting, emailing and cheap phone calls yet people don't seem to want to make the effort the way they once did.

Depending on where you live, there are some parts of the country where it is easier to make and keep friends. The area where I've lived now for quite some time is known for being a tough area when it comes to making and keeping friends. I used to think that I was alone with this but have since found out otherwise. If you are in a transient area (like I am) it gets even tougher to make and keep friends.

Yet so many of us are lonely and I often wonder why.

All you can do is make an effort. Talk to people. Take your cues from them. Some people are stand offish so, for example, don't push yourself on them. Some are more outgoing and approachable. With those folks, talking to them and finding any common ground is easier. Make the overtures, then the ball is in their court.

You mentioned lying to people about your life. Please stop doing this. Not only is it hard to keep track of which lie you told which person but people will figure out that you are lying and won't want anything to do with you. There is no shame in admitting that you don't lead an exciting life!

As for family life---we don't have a choice when it comes to the parents and siblings we get. Sometimes we get toxic parents and the best solution is to keep our distance.

I've found that when trying to make friends that you can only do the best you can. Treat people decently. Show an interest in their lives. Invite them to spend some time doing an activity such as going to lunch, for example. Don't come off as needy---that will push people far away. On the other hand, be sure to keep in touch either by phone, text or email. You don't have to call everyday, nor do they have to call you everyday. That's what I mean about taking your cues from them. Some people prefer to only get together on infrequent occasions while others prefer to get together more often.

Will doing these things get you a life long friend? There are no guarantees. All you can do is try and be approachable.

I understand your reluctance to use online resources to meet people. However, it can be done safely. Is there a topic that interests you? If so, set out to find any chat rooms for that subject. Sign up as a member but be careful when it comes to revealing personal info. Just start chatting about the subject at hand. After a while, you will get a feel for frequent posters by the tone in their writings. If you discover that some are in your area, you can arrange for a get together in a public place such as a restaurant.

Just keep on keeping on---and no more lying to people. Get out and do things that interest you. It's not easy, I know but who likes to be lonely? Best of luck!